Today is White Day in Korea, one of the many, many couple-oriented days that Korea celebrates. This one is akin to Valentines Day, except in K-town they do it slightly differently – Valentines Day is a day for WOMEN to give chocolate/gifts to men, and on White Day, its the guys’ turn to pamper the ladies. Interesting, huh?
So after that short segway, I thought this was appropriate to post.
I first came across spoken word artist Janette…ikz back around 4 years ago,when my friend linked me the YouTube video of her spoken word piece, “I Will Wait For You.” Millions of views and likes from interested YouTube viewers, this sparked my hope (and I’m sure that of many other single ladies and men out there) that yes, settling for less is NOT an option – that even if we search for the unicorn of a Godly partner, that we serve the author of time so who are we to worry? And trust in His provision, claim our portion in His timing.
That, and her wordplay was NASTY. Here it is:
“So it seemed, that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me..so I took matters into my own hands… and ended up with…him. Him who displayed the characteristics of a CHEATER, a LIAR, an ABUSER, & a THIEF so.. why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting, cause it was ME who let him in…claiming we were “just friends”..it was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t! I was gonna make him ‘The One’..
You know… I was tired of being alone, and I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time, so I decided to drag him along for the ride, cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride…a virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat! Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’. He had a… form of Godliness… but…not much. But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough? Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me. Arteries so clogged with MY will, it blocked HIS Will from flowing through me. So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack, that flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back.
Through my ignorance He sawed, through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest, To transplant Psalm 51:10- A new heart & a renewed right spirit within!
So now I fully understand, better yet I thoroughly comprehend, How much I NEED to wait… for You.
See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning…cause in the beginning was the Word, and he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, and all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings —
Which meant NOTHING. He couldn’t even pray when I NEEDED him to, asking him to fast would be absurd! So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…
But I know You.. ♥ You were already praying for me. Even never having met me, let me assure you, I will wait for you.
I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you, to appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention, and short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.
You know…. He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name LUKE,
His last name WARM.
I, I won’t settle for false companionship, I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms, attempting to find some closeness, but never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held. Cause ♫”all I gotta do is Say”… No!
NO more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’, passing winks & buying drinks, I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!♫ Who flirts with the ideology of, ‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’
I’ll stay in my bed… alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you 🙂 He won’t even come close, our fingers won’t even interlock, we won’t even exchange breath, cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped YOU to open.
I will no longer get weighted down, from so-called friends & family talks, about the concern for my biological clock…When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time, but I’M subject to Him. He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…so if we could role play, you would be Abraham & I would be Sara. Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer.
I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, made up of your rib Adam! And once we meet, like electrons – I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom. We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image, but you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son. If I were to explain what you looked like, you would have to look like a star, a son of the Son.. .I would gain energy simply from the light on me. I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis. I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you ♥
And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom, your ability to lead will remind me of Moses, your faith will remind me of Abraham, your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel, your inspiration will remind me of Paul, your heart for God will remind me of David, your attention to detail will remind me of Noah, your integrity will remind me of Joseph, and your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples…
But Your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks, cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.
And you will know me, and you will find me, where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary, which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.
But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth…Only if you should see fit…I desire Your will above mine, so even if you call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.
YOU are the greatest love story ever told,the greatest story ever known. You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness, and I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business.
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning…
More than the watchmen wait for the morning… I WILL WAIT ♥”
So, this single lady became my inspiration.
Fast forward a year and BAM! Her words became life; her (now) husband being in the audience at that time, observing her for a year to ensure that she was legit (and not spitting devotion to Jesus for the sake of the poem) then pursued her. Got rejected by a broken soul (as did all the other men), but kept on pursuing.
Her new poem, “I Waited For You” – were her vows at her wedding day. I can relate to the emotions in this haha…especially about that person not existing=P But isn’t that ridiculous and awesome? And I am ever more encouraged by His provision.
And her ever ridiculous wordplay=P
Here it is:
“Did you know that I’m not her? And that I partially agreed to the wait because, I didn’t believe you existed in the first place.
But then the slight, rare, possibility that you did, that you would definitely not want me. Because I’m not her.
I CHOKE on soft words like ‘want’ and ‘need’, I hate flowers, red boxes of unpredictable, strangely textured chocolate, balloons that take months to die and everything Valentines Day. I’m sorry, but to me The Notebook and Pretty Women were just, okay.
I am the one, that fairies tell you to stay away from, I was never Cinderella, I was the Evil Stepmother, I was never the princess, I was the fire breathing dragon, I was Ursula, I was the wicked witch of the west. Yet, you still chose to knock on the door of this castle of my heart, unaware that an invisible fortress had been built, due to much more experienced pain than a sting.
Unbeknownst to you, that there would be 6 more doors you’d have to get through before you EVER even saw a glimpse of me, I was still wounded.
Conditioned to live with a knife lodged inbetween my 3rd and 4th intercostal margins which collapsed my left lung. So i never left.
Due to you being out of my comfort zone and shortness of breath. Besides, I was already in a relationship with, pain. And I HATED him, but I LOVED him. Because pain had been faithful for years – I could rely on our past history that he was SURE to come.
My first love on earth, cheated on me. Visiting me on holidays bearing beautifully wrapped gifts of empty promises, tied with bows the colour of wishful thinking and then, leaving me. An egg can’t produce without a seed and winter came, then summer then spring then fall, and I guess mine took the option to leave, cause although mommy said I was beautiful and it wasn’t my fault, it still felt like incarcerated incidence.
So beauty to me was incomplete, like having only 5 heartbeats with no reason to stand up; there was no heart in the house tonight, nights like this I wish and I would pray,
Who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, please allow the clouds to gather and the sky to turn to grey, lead us not into temptation oh how I wish that it would rain, so when I look in the sky, I could see my reflection.
I got nervous when you got to door 6, but surely when you saw the auctioned off art on the walls no one else wanted, re-describing each and every one of my wounds, you see the UGLINESS of pain.
That I am not the beauty that you thought me to be, when you sat in the audience listening to a woman spit a poem about how she would wait. So confidently as I did every morning, after taking up poetry and music and talents and great things, others think of me because they are just John’s Legends and can’t see all of me.
I stepped outside to bask in the sun. He is the one that knows me. He loves me, He has the ability to foresee AND still loves me. so, I stepped outside. Only to find you sleeping night after night, in front of the door of my cold heart, who led you inside? I was terrified, no one’s EVER been this close, but all you wanted to do was show me that we shared the same old wounds.
There were no butterflies, just extreme discomfort, because comfort is uncomfortable, to someone more acquainted with pain, than love. Fear began to eat at my mind, and scarecrows plucked out my warm heart long ago, but even with the strength of ten men, I’ve had no courage, I promise I’m not lying(lion).
But for some strange reason you still felt like heels click three times.
I, was a relentless unpredictable storm. And i guess those other men were made of straw and hay because I HUFFED, and PUFFED, but the spirit that your ripped body housed, wouldn’t go down, why couldn’t I admit, that your hand placed gently on the back of my neck, CALMS me, instead I accused you of trying to control me, I HATED the way that my heart, became a defiant teenager and began listening to YOU instead of ME, and even after you kept, giving me your “i love you”s I couldn’t stop them from replaying in my mind, in my spirit, my SPIRIT bore witness to the Christ I saw in your life.
So after getting tired of the fight, I decided to give it a try. JUST to prove to you that you too, would leave, just like my seed and die, before petals, stems and leaves. My trusting heart, had been attacked, I didnt know the difference between accepting abuse, and being the peacemaker, I’m left with a pacemaker, nobody wanted me, my rhythm is abnormal.
I lost my footing and I kept asking myself, who ARE you? While climbing the attractive Mt Everest of your mind, I attempted to hike a little higher to take a peek at your soul, I lost my footing on that trail, dangled off the cliff of your condition of unconditional, and there is where I fell, in love.
Skydiving on the wings of your patience, thank you for catching me with this love, it’s too much, this love is just way too much, because your smouldering volcano ERUPTED upon my arrival. Smothering lava, I mean, hot, lava, chasing me down, burning the pain of my past, scorching heat, on the back of my heels, a fire that screams “Just let me love you!”
I fell. I am consumed, I am overwhelmed, did you know that I am crazy? Did you know broken homes, and cohort fathers, fictitious family figments, fractured bone and stained glass windows SHATTERED my windpipe. It’s hard to breathe when anyone gets close.
stand close, and just let me inhale, your exhale
stay close, even when I PUNCH you with my words
stay close, even when I CUT you with my fears
stay close, look into my chilling eyes and REMEMBER, look at my chilling eyes and REMEMBER, look at my bleeding knees, REMEMBER, look at my bleeding lips and REMEMBER, I FELL for you. And it took me 33 years to let that pain die. So that new hope, and new life could resurrect.
You caught my tears like wilted warm bible pages, stored them up in bottles and let them collect, as a reminder that as long as I am close to Him, I’ll never thirst again. And when God removed the scales from my eyes I remember, looking at you for the first time, and finally understood the meaning of the word “Behold”. I remember the first time I looked into your eyes it was like, it was like staring at the back of the moon, only to find that it shines too.
You wore patience like a tailored suit, and all I could do was thank God and your mother, for raising the man I never believed could exist. You began to see me transforming by the renewing, I was so comfortable cocooning, as you studied the freckles in my face like constellations, how sweet it is to know, that I am with someone, who will still find me beautiful with stretch marks, EVEN when I begin being stretched, as I press towards the mark.
We are not Romeo and Juliet. We are just Matthew, and Janette. We too, are a beaustifully written tragedy. We too, fought in the beginning like Capulets and Montagues, we too, persevered in love’s name, in love’s name, in JESUS’ name, two lovers, destined to kill themselves daily, for the love of Christ.
And although we know the world considers this poison, we will continue to drink truth. Stabbing ourselves with the daggers of His word, constantly to convicted, we live to FIGHT another day, we live to DIE another day, in order to LIVE another UNENDING day with our King of eternity.
So far from what our adversary had planned and written for our ending. but he is NOTHING but a pretender. Trying to be an author and a finisher, posing as an angry weak William that Shakespeares(shakes spears) but, as though many of his weapons will be formed they will NEVER prosper here.
And I know they told you, good luck with her. Many have tried, cuz not even Charlie could Parker(park her). But your consistent love would make Ella stop having Fitz(fits) and put down her Dukes. You had me wiling to walk, and hop on Coltranes(coals), even on a Holiday, inspired a desire to not be headstrong but Armstrong, you had me, in a sentimental mood, willing to walk miles to get to you, you became my black coffee and I couldn’t move on.
I felt dizzy, because I was out of my element like an uncovered monk. But you’ve been a good man for more reasons than I could count. May the Lord continue to orchestrate this beautiful life long complex called regression. I could make a million promises, with a long list of what I could vow, but we are flawed human beings. And if there was anyone that could break one before nights end, it would be me that could show you how.
So today I will let my yes be my yes, my no be my no, and today my I do be my I do. I vow, that at times I will fail you. I vow, that at times I will fall short.
But in failures and shortcomings I won’t tap out, I won’t give up, I vow, to gather arguments, like evidence left behind by usurps, having the humility to say, I have this criminal mind, and yes it is CS-I who is wrong for the sake of Law and Order.
I vow, not to bind to false romanticism, saying things like “you complete me!” because you don’t. In Christ I have ALREADY been made complete the Head over all. So I vow, not to attribute glory to you, that only belongs to God. To you and only you, today I commit. To you and only you I submit, with an attitude.
The attitude of Christ Jesus, who although existed in a form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but humbled Himself and emptied Himself, and made Himself to the point to where He became obedient, even to the point of death, even death on a cross, and THIS will be my constant reflection, because death on that cross was the greatest public display of affection.
I’ve learned that He loved me enough to give me you, and so I vow to you, my last breath.”