Personal Musings

WHO AM I

Identity. So simple, yet so hard to grasp for many of us. Our identity shapes who we are, what we do, and ultimately it fuels our life and the direction that we take. Identity. Something that I’ve struggled with my whole life, and have spend so much effort and time in the past few years trying to discover – WHO AM I? What makes me, me? What makes me tick? Why am I, the way that I am?

The simple answer is, as you may have guessed – Jesus. I know that full well now…that I am not defined by what my job is, what my income is (or isn’t), or even what I look like (although that’s a harder one to get past), but rather by the grace of God I am who, I am, and who He has created me to be.

The longer and more complicated answer is; if I don’t know clearly who I am, then I cannot serve God effectively in this lifetime, lest I get confused, lest I lose confidence (or rather in my case, don’t cultivate something from what was nothing), and become stuck at a crossroad (or many…), not knowing what I should be doing, where I should be going. And so this has been my thought process for a while now. WHO….AM…I? Is everything I thought I was created to be for His Kingdom, wrong? Or has God set me on another path, another season of training (it’s always training. Always, training…) until He is ready to reveal something else to me….until I am ready for it?

So many of the jigsaw pieces have started to fall into place, yet I still seem to be looking at the wrong ones. I used to get made fun of back in university (years ago; so long ago it almost shocks me), “Ooooh Beckii wants to be KOREAAAANN”…no, I do not want to be Korean. And even though I live with Koreans now and speak Korean 90-95% of the time; no, I still don’t want to be Korean. Rather I know that God opened this door for me and many others over the course of my life so far, gave me the ability to relate to many different cultures, to open my mind up to different languages – Korean, Thai, Singaporean, Malaysian, Australian, Indonesian, Hong Kong cultures, the hiphop culture, mental illness, the health science industry, the music industry, the martial art/taekwondo culture, the Kpop industry….and more…

But underneath it all I still can’t lose sight of who I am in all this. I’m of Singaporean Chinese descent, born into Australian culture. I’ve wanted nothing more than to draw, illustrate, be creative with art since I was a kid. Hiphop and streetwear captured my heart. And now, I just want to be able to serve God with the things that He gave me desires for.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post, or that I have any wise conclusion to give any readers. My brain is anxious and tired, cluttered with a thousand thoughts, running circles in my head, but I thought I would blog it out rather than letting it sit. Ultimately, we are sons and daughters in the Kingdom of God and our true identity lies in THIS – however, without an understanding of yourself and what makes you the way you are, the path before you is just going to be clouded with lies and things that are not really His desires for you (or the desires that He has put in your heart – there is a reason we have a passion for the things that we do).

Lord, give me the wisdom and discernment that I seek in this time…

Be blessed,

Beckii.

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Personal Musings

CHOICES.

I’ve always had a self motto of being “as transparent as I possibly can” in who I am, in who I portray myself to be both online and offline. Why? So that I can be the most genuine, unedited version of myself that I can be, so that God’s grace given to me, the testimony of my life saved and changed by Christ would be the only thing that would shine out of my worries turned to favour, my pain turned into joy, a broken person made strong.

As some of you might know now, I now live in Bangkok rather than Seoul, in a much more missionary focused position. Given the changes, having a much more ‘public’ status so to speak; being so ‘transparent’ may not be the most viable option anymore…

I ask for your prayers, and remember at the end of the day…we are responsible for the decisions that we make.

Please follow me for updates at my Instagram: www.instagram.com/beckiiness; as I probably will be unable to update this blog for a long time yet.

God bless y’all,

Beckii.

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Personal Musings

END OF YEAR MUSINGS 2015

monkeybear new years 2015

 

(Shameless plug: New Year drawing by ME featuring my favourite furry friends. For more art/design of mine, please go to www.facebook.com/beckiiness)

 

So it comes round to that time of year again, and I wish that I had more time to blog more frequently. Looking at how few blog posts I managed to write this year ( I think it was 4…4!?) reminds me that yes, God IS and was doing a crazy amount of things in my life this year (as always) so I didn’t even have time to sit down and clear my thoughts to write. But sometimes I wish I had another me so that I could share every lightbulb moment God placed on my heart in REAL TIME, right? haha…

 

Anyway, as I write every year, and as I have experienced every year – beyond anything I could have ever imagined, every year has been vastly different from the previous, and progressively more crazy. I am now writing this from Thailand, for one.
But looking back, I can clearly see how God has guided me, moulded me, and opened doors to prepare me for where He wanted me to go (even though it has always felt in the present – and still does – that I am walking blind in a fog), for who he wanted me to be, and ultimately as His desires become mine – the opportunity to do many things that I’ve always wanted to do, but never thought possible.

 

God is good in every season, and I am thankful:) So as I reflect…

 

2009: Started attending church after feeling touched by a youth service I attended once off with friends in Hong Kong. Got baptised soon after my first real encounter with God through a dream; but I kept barriers up and my mask on, and things got worse – lost my drivers license through an (unintentional) drink driving incident falling asleep at the wheel, realised in horror that I didn’t want to be an optometrist with 6 months until graduation (I have wanted to be an artist ever since I was little), battling several things at once left me severely mentally unbalanced towards the end of year (I told no one and remained as much as I could by myself at home), so much so I nearly failed university.

 

2010: Struggling working in Australia as an optometrist for long hours with a manipulative boss, hating my life and job, battling severe clinical depression and suicidal thoughts (note: daily thoughts I have had year in and year out since I was around 10 years old) amidst family dysfunction and refusing to meet or see any friends the entire year as a result from the depression and mental imbalance, barely sleeping and spending my free (note: hours I should have been sleeping) hours desperately practising drawing in a bid to develop another skill and as desperate self therapy to mentally stay put together…living on too much caffeine and painkillers to combat the constant headaches…praying desperately that God would pull me through…

 

2011: Started seeing a psychologist as a desperate attempt to stop the neverending persistent thoughts of wanting to kill myself and regular panic attacks, and to avoid the use of prescriptive medication (for fear of someone finding out about my depression/mental state), ended up sharing for the first time in my life about my depression in my small group at church, and received physical healing from the depressive effects – something I had daily for the past 1.5years (if you have depression, you will understand the physical side effects that come with it).
Internally renewing but the outer factors remained unchanged, so my mind started to slip backwards again.

 

2012: I ‘bought’ myself some time to think and moved to Korea during summer for 3 months to pray about where God wanted me to go, but distractions and wrong company made me fall away from church and I almost gave up believing. Answerless, I returned back to Australia for a few months, but then decided to ( for the meanwhile) go back to Korea at the end of the year to pursue God SERIOUSLY ( I challenged myself, “Just how hard can I run after God?”) desperately seeking to find more and to find purpose to combat the returning negative thoughts and lack of life meaning.

 

2013: My first full year living in Korea I saturated myself – double service every Sunday at two churches for 6 months; self- Bible reading/study every day, women’s ministry, church retreats, prayer meetings, conferences, discipleship, small group/Bible study groups, EVERYTHING and anything I could get my hands on. And then my eyes began to be opened…I received the gift of tongues, truly developed a REAL, strong understanding and relationship with Christ (prior to Korea I thought I knew but really had no idea what I believed in), still made a lot of mistakes falling on my face which made me TRULY understand His grace.
I once again, started training (perhaps too much) in taekwondo, but at the same time also started to become recognised for my art (after all the many sleepless nights and hours of practise I put in) and became involved in a North Korea related business as well as design at church, but wondered if hiphop could ever become something more in my life…something that I have always loved.

 

2014: My second year led me somehow to a good bboy friend of mine Dyzee (and I mention him everywhere haha), and my whole life started leaning towards hiphop as we became buddies in hiphop ministry, ended up leading hiphop bible studies for a few months with him and another friend, organising Christian hiphop jams with Dyzee a few times as Krosswerdz Korea, started getting involved in designing hiphop Christian apparel with this said friend and other friends separately in other churches, and started leading small groups and discipleship at church (who…ME? 0__o) as a leader.
That summer, I met the Korean electro hiphop missionary team Hispop, and I began to see how hiphop could be used as a tool for Christ…

 

2015: This year I finally started to understand my identity and who I am in Christ (that I have value as a person…I have value?!), I learnt how to wake up even more to His presence, and it led me to Thailand several times to serve with Hispop for different ministries short time. For the first time, I was able to go back to Australia with less fear in my heart, and my mother began to go to church. Hallelujah!
I ended up helping my friend out with R16, the biggest hiphop/bboy championships in Korea (working for Cartel Creative as staff – an event I would have previously flown out from Australia for, an event that I paid for tickets to watch in 2012, 2013 before I even met Dyzee! Who would have guessed back then…)…and now here I am in Thailand, delving into full time mission work as I made the decision to join as a missionary with the Hispop team.

 

5 years ago if you told me I would be where I am now, as someone with the drive and determination to spread the Gospel, as someone (mostly) free of depression and suicidal thoughts which plagued me DAILY year in and year out, as someone to live in a fully Korean speaking environment in Thailand (and translate things from Korean to English – I can’t believe I can converse in another language semi proficiently), as someone in a leadership role (or was) when I refused to even speak in public or stand on stage, as someone recognised for my art and design skills as someone who is actually an optometrist by training…even thought life is still SO hard, and I’m still struggling so much in this fog…I look back as this year comes to an end and I thank you, God. I thank You for everything you have made me into, I thank You for all the blessings, all the connections, even though I couldn’t see it at the time.

 

So as 2016 (literally) starts in a few days, I pray and hope that I will continue to grow, continue to grow closer to Him, to understand and be shown where my purpose and calling is, to finally feel like I belong somewhere, and for more breakthrough. I ask every year for breakthrough and it doesn’t really come, but I’ll keep asking…please Lord? hahaha.

 

I pray that in 2016:

 

  1. I’ll be on the path to somehow get married…please? hahaha. And that all my dearest single sisters and brothers get married too (shout outs especially to my church fam in Korea)~! haha.
  2. That I’ll be fluent in Korean, quickly pick up Thai and hopefully improve my Mandarin and Cantonese FAST (fail Chinese person)…and then move onto other languages?! YAS?
  3. That God will use me in ways beyond my imagination to reach people world wide, and give me stability and concrete understand in WHAT this life is for, that I will have no doubt in my calling.
  4. BREAKTHROUGH. PREASE. THANKYOU^^

 

And I pray that for you, you who is reading this – you too, whether you believe or not – that His love, the love of Christ will transform your life, CAN transform your life into something beyond anything you can imagine.

 

2016…lets go.

 

Be blessed,

 

Beckii.
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Reblogs

SPOT ON.

A bit of a filler post until I get time to write up the next one (currently got a few swirling in my head); but I came across this post on Debra Fileta’s True Love Dates’ website and thought it hit the nail on the head – more times than not, people are not turned off by Christianity in itself, but rather the only real representation of Christ on earth – the Christian.

The lukewarm, hypocritical Christian at that. Who was the reason why the baby Christian Beckii never wanted to open up, and the reason a lot of my friends don’t see the need for Jesus – because the representative looks just like the world. Enjoy~

“The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians–when they are sombre and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths.” — Sheldon Vanauken

Dear Christian,

I have to be honest, I have mixed feelings about you.  A love/hate relationship if you will.  It’s like looking at two sides of a coin, trying to figure out which one is really you.  Part of me wants what you have so badly– faith, purpose, meaning — but the other side of me is too scared to jump in.

There are days that you draw me in.  I look at you and see the most loving eyes, the most gentle hands, the most open heart.  I watch as you take care of your community, as you reach out to the poor and the needy, as you mend the hearts of the broken.  There is something so meaningful and purposeful behind the way you live your life.

I am overcome by your ability to reach into my loneliness.  Reminding me that I’m not all by myself.  That someone really does care for and love me.  Somehow you always seem to know just what I need–it’s as though you had a direct line to God, or something.

I am challenged by the way you give up your time, your money, and your self for others.  I’m drawn to the fact that you are so humble, yet so confident.  You’re honest about the fact that you don’t always have it together- but that you’re working on it.  I love that genuineness…it pushes me to be real with myself as well.  It makes me want to open up.

There is something about your smile that seems real to me.  Even during really hard times.  It makes me wonder where you get such joy.  How you have such strength.  It makes me long for what you have.

Sometimes I look at your faith, and the way you hold on with all of your heart…and wish I had something to give my all to.

But then I get stuck.  I get stuck because I see the other side to your who you are, and I find myself confused.  Because some days you encourage me, but other days you disappoint me.

Other days, it’s as though something has come over you.  You aren’t acting like yourself.  I begin to wonder which side is really you. You are filled with pride and arrogance, acting like you really know it all and have it all together.  It makes me scared to come to you with my problems…because I’m afraid you’ll just judge me.

It  confuses me to watch you so caught up in the things I get caught up in- money, lust, fame and fortune.  It’s as though the American Dream has got you on a leash.  I thought you talked about bigger things?  I thought you said this world wasn’t your home?

Then why do you seem so comfortable here?  Why does your stuff matter so much?

If you can’t be free of it, than maybe I can’t either.

Even if I look past all that, the hardest thing for me is that you seem to have an opinion about everything.  What I should wear, where I should go, who I should be friends with, what I should eat and drink, how I should vote, what I should believe.  You talk about this great God of love- yet I feel constantly judged by you, not loved.  I feel as though I am under a magnifying glass and you’re picking me apart, never satisfied with who I am.

I want to get closer to you…to try and understand you…but your holier-than-thou attitude reminds me that I can’t get too close.  Maybe I’m not good enough for you.  Which makes me wonder if maybe I’m not good enough for God.  Maybe I’ll never be.

Either way, I’m going to keep watching–waiting to see the real you.  There’s a part of me that wants what you have–but a part of me that’s still confused.  But I’ll be here.  Waiting for you to show me who you really are.  Until then, don’t be surprised if I keep my distance.  I want to get closer, but I have to keep myself safe.   I guess I’m still trying to figure it all out.

And I guess maybe, you are too.  I hope you figure this out soon.  I hope you find yourself. I hope you decide who you really want to be and stick to it.

When you do, come find me. I’ll be waiting. 

Cautiously watching,

The World.

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Personal Musings

STREETLIGHTS

So as always, its been a minute since I had time to blog….and as always, a lot of…STUFF. And TRANSITION. And CHANGES have occurred. And right now, I don’t quite have enough time to write something concise YET…but best believe I got ALL sorts of things that I want to blog out right now! Swirling around in my head….

Just a short post to pimp out a recent finding of mine….STREETLIGHTS.

What is this, you ask? Let me say by saying, I have always had trouble reading my Bible. Back in my time in Australia I barely read at all…but now, I read it a lot, and I am continually pushing myself to read it more and more (per day, now that I have finally pushed myself into FINALLY keeping to daily readings), yet I STILL have trouble in feeling the depth behind the words.

The Bible is true and the Word is living – I know this full well. Yet especially in my attempts to read the Old Testament, it just seemed like…a story. I’m a visual person, but I couldn’t feel the depths of the words…until now.

With my now (improved) QT/daily devotional time in which I am finally learning how to properly meditate and THINK over the verses I am reading, combined with STREETLIGHTS…wow. God’s Word is starting to blaze, a burning fire in my heart as I am understanding more and more who He is, who WE are…and ultimately how sovereign He is over all. Wow.

So enough stalling! STREETLIGHTS is a project done by well known Christian hiphop/spoken word artists in America – an audio bible, 4 albums of books of the Bible narrated by the said artists over dope hiphop beats.

No doubt, I can’t even explain how much this has made me understand everything in SO much more depth, the power of His Word within me. And I freakin LOVE hiphop so this is WONDERFUL. Best thing? It’s FREEEEEEEE. All of it is free! Hallelujah!!

You can find the 4 albums HERE: http://www.streetlightsbible.com/downloads/

FIRE. I love ittt~!!!

That is all for now. Many things to come but the thoughts are still processing in my head…

God bless!

Beckii.

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Personal Musings

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

I remember my psychologist used to tell me, “You know, from someone that grew up in the circumstances/environment you did, you turned out pretty well.” I used to shrug it off and think, “No I didn’t…What the hell is she talking about?”

But as the years have gone by and I am older, and (hopefully) all the more wiser through the seasons I start to realise that yes…God DID protect me from going down the wrong paths, to an extent. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll…..hahahaha. I had none of those things, though at times I really wanted to, as a way of escape from my reality.

So why didn’t I? Maybe it was just circumstantial, or maybe it was that tiny, niggling feeling in me that wanted to do the right thing, that wanted to believe there was something greater than the cloudy skies and pain that I saw in my life, that knew that these things would mess me up even more…maybe. Hahaha.

 

But a good few years after being pulled from the psychological dark pit I was in and seeing with new eyes, I realise how blessed I am to have escaped the bondage of things like drugs, smoking, sexual addictions/abuse, etc…which are tough skeletons and shadows to shake off for many friends and aquaintainces around me…

Make no mistake, still the bricks I had weighing me down in life were and still are enough to have left deep scars – but even more it makes me think. We each go through specific circumstances in our lives, good and bad – to make us, to mould us into the person that we WERE, that we ARE, that we WILL BE.

 

So even now, in the unstable state that I am in – that I have been ever since stepping foot into South Korea, and increasingly so, with each passing month – and with that coming loneliness, insecurity, frustration, pain, anxiety, disappointments – that I DO truly believe that everything happens for a reason. That God has a plan and a purpose for my life, and although I only see a short distance in front of me (or rather, not at all), that He sees all of it. He saw my beginning, and He knows my end. Every person met is a blessing or a lesson. Each trial and hardship tackled and endured is one step closer to refining your character, and one step further on the road that God has designed for me.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

God KNEW us before we even knew ourselves. God CALLED us, He CHOSE us.

 

But its hard. Despite knowing that God is faithful, God is sovereign, and that everything will happen according to His will for the good of those who love Him…I falter, I cry, I stumble in the MIDST of these trials. And I feel like giving up.

I endure the wait because I KNOW these past two years have been training; that God has completely ripped out the old and nurtured the new in me; that I am a shadow of the person I used to be; yet there are still, fragments remaining, and I know that when I look away from Him, the worries of the world and the lies that the devil has placed in my head CONSUME me.
When will I be able to be free of visa issues? Or do I go back to the old life that I hated that kept me in bondage for the sake of stability? When will I have an actual paying job again (and once again regain the respect of my parents – although I know deep down my money-making potential does NOT equal my identity of who I am and what I am worth, but that’s a blog for another day)? What am I SUPPOSED to do in my life? When will my season of singleness end? Why am I praying double what I used to, yet You seem so far? When will I feel like I belong, rather than feeling like I’m everyone’s second choice and a misfit?

Most of these are lies…and most of them I just allow to permeate and circle in my head. Most of these things the Lord DOES have an answer to, its just the human side of me being impatient.

But frankly…I am tired. I am so DONE with everything, and all the uncertainty I feel. So many times I just want to swear, scream, flip a table and drink my sorrows away – yet I know that truly isn’t the right answer; and that as I have said earlier; God IS sovereign and everything DOES truly happen for a reason, including the waiting…so even in the unseen, God grows my character and who I am despite me being a child, kicking and screaming on the inside.

Romans 5:1-5 “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

So what do we have if not hope? Faith is the UNSEEN. Lord let me cling onto the hope that is in You; and know that You WILL. This storm shall too, pass…

1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

 

 

Be blessed,

Beckii.

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Personal Musings

DON’T DOUBT.

Time really flies, huh?

It’s already been 1.5 weeks in Australia (after being away from it for over a year…crazy!) and in a few days I will say goodbye, yet again to go back to my current life in Seoul. I want to go back, its been a crazy tiring time of medical appointments (of which I will not go into) and a billion catch ups; but it was good to see my family again and friends. God is good!

I spoke on prayer at my church service last weekend; so I thought I would share what I spoke on here. Nothing particularly new or revolutionary, but its from my heart and my own experience. Enjoy:)

“Thankyou for inviting me to share today; I think what I am sharing may not be new to a lot of you, but these are things that God has opened up my eyes to more than ever in the last 2 years, and it doesn’t hurt to hear it again.

So I have a question for you – who here has a wife or husband? How about a boyfriend or girlfriend? What about a crush? Who has friends? Those who don’t, its okay, you have Jesus! He’s the best one of all. Anyway! The point I’m trying to get at is, how do we get to know people that we want to eventually build a relationship of some sort with? We talk to them right? We seek their company more frequently, and want to be in their presence.

Like any human relationship, it is the same, if not even more with God. Like our fellow brother in Christ Jeremy Lin said, “to know Him is to want to know Him more”. If we are to know WHO God is and what He wants us to do in this life, then we MUST seek Him more. So, how do we do this? We PRAY. Our communication with the Father is through prayer, seeking His heart through our prayers, and our time devoted to him. And like any other relationship, the more time we spend in His presence seeking him, and praying, the more that we start to understand his absolute majesty, and all the wonderfully crazy things he can do in your life.

The Bible tells us to be in prayer constantly and without stopping. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” and Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

We also know that the bible is a VITAL supplement to prayer. 2 Timothy 3:16 tells us, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”, so we KNOW that in conjunction with prayer, the Bible gives us written proof of God’s character. Not only that, but you have a backing to what you believe, if someone comes up to you and asks you WHY you believe.

To be honest, in my years as a Christian before I left for Korea I barely picked up my bible, aside from using it to check sermon references in church or lifegroup. I always thought “Yeah, I probably should try reading more…” but that thought would never develop into an action, and consequently my lack of understanding and intimacy with God led me to always struggling to believe the validity of my faith in Christ – because I had no semblance of what an Spirit-filled relationship with God should feel like.

But in my desperation to find life meaning once leaving the life I knew behind in Australia, I started to go through and read my bible every day, tried to study and understand each chapter I read. And slowly, combined with more prayer, did I then start to see God move powerfully in my life.

So I say to the old Beckii as well as to those of you who here who are not consistent with prayer and reading of your bible, that perhaps wonder WHERE God is in your life and where He fits in (or where YOU fit in) in the grand scheme of battling for Christ in this fallen world; I encourage you to start seeking God earnestly in prayer. The more I prayed, the more I saw how great the spiritual battle is.

Look at the world around us – how frequently is tragedy happening these days? The war between Israel and Gaza; the beheading and killing of Christians by ISIS in Iraq, the massacres in Syria, countless acts of unjust police brutality in America, increased frequency of natural disasters, increased frequency of sex trafficking in adults AND children, mental illness and suicide rising in a money-driven era, secret intelligence forces at work…and the list goes on. Australia is very far away from a lot of these countries, but Korea being a more centrally located country, tragedy is very much real and present – as South Korea experienced a few months ago with the horrific Sewol ferry accident.

So, this can be overwhelming. What should I do? What CAN I do? The worst thing we can do as Christians is to be INDIFFERENT. Because isn’t that what Satan wants us to do? To sit back and live like everyone else? The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. We can see the world changing right before our eyes; and he is doing everything he can to distract you with worldly temptations and obstacles, to prevent you from following Jesus and being used as a soldier of light.

Aside from making donations and physically helping where possible, PRAYER is the greatest weapon we have, as God’s army. The more we pray, the more our will aligns to God and HIS heart becomes OURS. The more we pray, the more prayer will change YOU.

So for those who are unable to pray for themselves, we stand and intercede and pray on behalf of them. For even if the world is Satan’s playground, He who lives IN us is far greater than he who lives in this world. And don’t worry if prayer seems to do nothing sometimes. Like any relationship, it takes time to build up one with God, and to know what His voice sounds like. BUT if you DON’T pray– you won’t know at all.

God created us all differently, BUT he did create us for a specific purpose. We all know how much better it is to do things with purpose, rather than doing something aimlessly, right? And even on those days when we don’t feel like doing anything at all, to have a solid purpose will drive your passion to do more, and greater things.

For me, in my situation right now, to rely on God and remember my purpose in Korea is all I have. It is NOT easy at all. I have no visa, no income at all (a big contrast from my previous high paying job here), Korean is NOT my mother tongue, and due to a lot of constant changing factors the future ahead of me is foggy and unstable. BUT, it is thanks to these circumstances that I have been forced to rely solely on God, and so the blessings when they come are THAT much more beautiful, and life-changing. So much so, that I am truly thankful for all the little things He has done for me even in the crazy chaos and uncertainty that I live in, in Seoul, and my faith has grown ten-fold…

…I believe that God is starting to use hiphop for Christ in a really powerful way in recent years, seeing the boom in popularity of Christian hiphop in the states, as well as the influence of hiphop in general in music and fashion culture…

…God is opening up a lot of doors for me in Korea despite my unstable state of no income and no visa, so I do believe I am to be in Seoul, even though spiritual attacks are occurring, and there are a lot of factors against me right now. I know God is preparing to do some really crazy things, and I already see the fruit and blessings in brothers and sisters around me, and hope those blessings will be extended to me in due time. You know you’re doing a good thing for Christ when Satan starts attacking, haha….”

Don’t doubt. Thats a reminder to myself, too.

Be blessed!

Beckii.

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