Another reblog from Unka Glen. Enjoy:)
” “XXXXX asked: Is it wrong or right to say my feminist mind stops me from dating? Because every time when I do find someone interesting, I doubt myself and I think, “They just want to take advantage of me.” And when I do like someone, the part where I am no longer myself, the part where I care so much for the other person, scares me even if it’s a good relationship. And then I think all men are Mr. Crawford from Mansfield Park, where he “puts kindness in until sex falls out.”
Unka Glen answered: Oh yeah sweetie, as you suspect, every part of that is wrong. So lets start here: everybody wants to have sex. Maybe not right this minute, maybe light some candles first, and put on some soft music, and ya know, make sure you’re married first and everything, but yeah, we all want the same thing.
And of course this is a good thing. Sex between two married people helps to build intimacy, affection, and vulnerability. Christian marriage counselors will make sex frequency one of the first questions they ask couples who are in crisis, as a lack of sex is usually an initial warning sign of an unhealthy marriage.
For this same reason, many churches recently started a challenge to the married people in their congregations to intentionally make love every day for a month. Sex is good, it’s an important part of a solid Christian marriage, and it’s one of the first things I remember to thank the Lord for every day.
So you should really go ahead and find a nice guy, I mean, take your time and everything, but go ahead and find the kind of solid Christian guy who you could spend the rest of your life with, the kind of guy who could be a great dad to your future children… and then get married and go at it like your hair is on fire, and your butt is catching.
Let the people say Amen.
So how did we get lost on all of this? Well, to begin with, desiring sex and wanting to be a caring and responsible Godly husband DO NOT cancel each other out. It’s not an either/or situation. Kindness, love, and respect do not DISPLACE a desire for sex.
If you’re dating a guy who loses a desire to be kind as he increases his sexual desire, then you’re dealing with a profound and rare sexual dysfunction. If you’e dating a guy who just wants to be nice to you, but doesn’t have any physical desires towards you, well, honey, I’ll let you do the math, but that’s not what you’re looking for.
Also, none of this is about feminism. Feminism is about respect and empowerment. Again, if you’re with a guy who loses respect for the women he is attracted to, this is a man with severe dysfunctions. Sure, there are some feminists who do a lot of “I don’t need a man” kind of talk, but again sweetie, that’s a different kind of situation.
Sure, there are plenty of men who REALLY want the sex. But it’s like a man crossing the desert, who finally sees his oasis, and thrills with the possibilities of all that fresh, cool water. You can scold that man and tell him, “all you care about is water!”, and yeah, in that exact moment it may be taking up a large portion of his bandwidth, but it doesn’t mean that this is all he’ll ever be interested in.
What you’re looking for is someone who loves the Lord, loves you like crazy, and is totally attracted to you. All three of those things can, and will, fit together. Sure, the physical stuff needs to be in control for now, and boundaries respected until that glorious day of freedom.
But let’s face it my feminist sista, when that wedding night appears, you’re going to get your own tall, cool glass of water too.”