Personal Musings

LOOKING BACK TO LOOK FORWARDS

Well, its that time of year again – a festive day that Australia originally doesn’t have to force me to look back, reminisce, to see how far I have come and to be THANKFUL for everything that has happened to me this year. Thanksgiving; we meet again.

Its so amusing, so crazy that ever since moving to Korea at the end of 2012 – life has never been something I could call ‘static’ at any one moment. In fact; its almost overwhelming how fast things have changed, ARE changing and WILL change – my life NOW even, is still pretty drastically different to how it was 6 months ago, 3 months ago, ONE month ago…and I’m not gonna lie, it has been challenging and difficult at times…but at the same time its crazy and exciting – and I do strongly believe that God intended a purpose for everything that happens in our lives, good OR bad. That, and occasionally we make stupid decisions and reap the consequences of our stupidity. Hahahahaha.

A stark contrast from the life I knew in Australia; where the monotony nearly killed me.

In fact – what I was doing last year when I wrote my “What to be thankful for” note; I would have no idea that one year on, my life would look like it does now. Even in one year…God has redeemed and changed a lot of things, within me AND through me; doors have opened, doors have closed; friends have come, friends have left; I learn every day, more and more things I need to change and improve about myself; my eyes have been opened more and more to things of this world and things of God that I never had the ability to see before.

And so, despite MANY major stress points and setbacks this year which have challenged me and stressed me much; I know that God is doing a good work in me; that He is training me up to be something more (its like boot camp of life); and for that I am THANKFUL.

Philippians 1:6 “…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I used to wonder a few years ago – as someone seeking Christ, but also LOVING hiphop (it made me have so much peace..and excitement in my heart to watch/listen/do anything involving hiphop culture) – would I ever meet others who shared the same heart as I do? To love God and love hiphop at the same time? Or is it better for me to try and liken myself to others in the church to fit in?

But years on…I have found it!! Slowly, more and more people coming into my life that are like minded, that want to live for Christ but do so THROUGH hiphop culture as a means, TO the hiphop community…and its freakin awesome. My heart sings. Heheheh.

So to the brother/bboy in Christ who I only knew about through bboy friends who are big fans of him back in Australia(fanboys. Are real. hahahah), someone who I look to as almost a real older brother to me, someone who has opened my eyes and opened doors to the hiphop world for me, THANKYOU. To be able to teach English to, and learn Djing from the top hiphop DJ in Korea and also share faith with him, has been SUCH a blessing. Djing has been hard haha, but all the more do I have true respect and appreciation for DJs, so THANKYOU. To be able to start and quickly get better at graffiti work, and to meet friends who are willing to teach me and help me improve; something I actually wanted to do since I was a little girl (yes…I used to want to be a graffiti artist in primary school), THANKYOU. To those who have shown me that its possible for us to use hiphop for Christ and create dope things for His glory; THANKYOU. For all the connections that I have started to form with talented people in music and dance and art and Mcing and everything in between; THANKYOU! It’s been a huge journey of giggedy-giggedy oh-YEAH moments which have truly blessed my life in the past year:)

To my pastor here in Korea, and my pastor back in Australia – although neither I have really spent too much time personally with; I now realise the burden and weight that they carry in a position of influence/at the scrutiny of others; and now do I understand more the stress they undergo because of their love for the church. And for that I am thankful; for the selflessness that we sometimes do not see.

To my church family – who have been the closest thing I have ever had to emotionally experiencing real familial love; I LOVE you guys! For being there for me; for caring for my wellbeing; for checking up on me when I need it; for praying for me! Through our triumphs, our tears, our pain, our struggles….it has been a very difficult year for all of us. But through this, we have grown stronger, and I remember the importance of community and sharing our burdens as we go through this life. I couldn’t have gone through this year without them. So THANKYOU!

Ecclestiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labour:
if either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

God has opened up my heart slowly over the past 2 years and showed me what it truly means to love and care for others. So to my blood family; despite the pain and hurt that I felt, that I feel at times in regards to my fam – in the end its from our OWN wounds that we don’t know how to love others well or in the appropriate way, even though the TRUE intent to care and love is still there. My wounds, their wounds…all of us. So I’m learning how God’s grace covers us all;and underneath it all, how to be thankful for the things that my family HAS done for me.

And finally but most importantly of all, I am thankful for JESUS in my life! And since you’re on my blog and reading this you have to deal with my cheese. Haha. For giving me LIFE, for giving me PURPOSE, for giving me IDENTITY – things I never had before. And even though its been hard, even though there are plenty of days where I feel like giving up and feel tired of all the trials and temptations, I have hope in Him and hope in the great things that I KNOW will come, and I am SO THANKFUL for all the doors that keep opening to meet and interact with and collaborate with dope people, for all the things I am experiencing and discovering, for all the chances to do cool things, to do things that can inspire and help other people, to be an encouragement to those who need it who appear in my life, to SURVIVE in a foreign country, to have my eyes opened to this world. Words can’t even express the magnitude of gratefulness I have to God for His majesty in my life. So…there’s no turning back.

For those people who really know me and support me; whether I met you a month ago and we CLICKED or I’ve known you for a long time (and we still get each other…hahaha)…RIDE OR DIE, BABY. You know who you are:)) Thankful for all the blessings, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING everyone!

Be blessed,

Beckiii.

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Personal Musings

WHY DO WE NEED TO GO TO CHURCH?

I remember back to the days of before I became a Christian – I refused, on all costs, to go to church out of my own will.

“Hey you should come to church this week!” “Yeah…maybe. We’ll see…”

 

I was highly intimidated by the thought of church. As a shy and introverted person [people who know me in real life may call me out on this one, haha – but honestly I’ve just learnt how to fake being extroverted pretty well over the past 15 years or so] it terrified me to go to somewhere where there would be MASSES of people I didn’t know, to have to be SEEN [and possibly approched? Or APPROACH PEOPLE!? GAH!!], to engage in awkward small talk about stuff I knew nothing about [or possibly cared nothing about]…MEET PEOPLE? ME? The scared introvert inside me cowered.

 

So in short, the idea of going to church scared me sh*tless. My mother would always ask me to try going to one with her and I would adamantly refuse, saying, “I can still believe in God, I don’t need to go to church to believe.”

 

Nearly 10 years down the track, I see how wrong I was – and how much my life has changed for the better after I stopped letting fear run my life – fear of people, fear of opinions, fear of what I didn’t know….of anything and everything, really.

 

So…why DO we need to go to church? [this is directed to the Christians…of course I would love for non-Christians to also come to church – the right one anyway – but I ain’t about to smack anyone in the face with a Bible, if you get my drift heh]

 

A couple of reasons that I have experienced for myself/seen in others:

 

  1. COMMUNITY

Man was not created to be alone – people need people. And as much as I hate people sometimes and want to be left alone, we weren’t meant to try and figure this life thing all out by ourselves. Church brings community, accountability – allowing for us to become support and strength for one another. Strength in numbers!

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up, But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

 

1 Thessalonians 5:11
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

 

  1. GROWTH

Okay…so this isn’t a mutually exclusive point but – interacting with others allows for us to learn and grow in our faith and understanding from other’s knowledge/wisdom, and vice versa. We can always give greater insight on something to someone else, and conversely back to us. Face it – we don’t know everything about everything.

 

Not to mention – dealing with a whole lot of different people with different characters and personalities challenges us to grow in areas we might not have encountered before. Such as, patience and tolerance. HAHA. [and grace…let us not forget grace=P ]

 

Hebrews 5: 12-14
“In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives in milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

 

Proverbs 27:17
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

 

Hebrews 10:24-25
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

 

I would mention teachng…but that’s kind of self explainatory and falls under growth of some sort, anyway:)

 

In all aspects, [I know now that] church is not defined by the building, but rather the PEOPLE – each who form the body of Christ, with Jesus as the cornerstone foundation – and each person has their own unique purpose to work as one whole, functioning body.

After all, we wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything great and widespread if we were all created the same and could only do the same thing, right? [embrace your differences – DO YOU BOO. Ahahaha.]

 

 

Romans 12:4-6
“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us.”

 

1 Corinthians 12-26
“The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body – whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free – and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

 

Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body was a eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, ever one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

 

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

 

So although we go to church in a building each week [or should strive to] – we go for the greater purpose of BEING the church, building each other up in Christ and supporting each other, and learning from one another when the storms in life come.

 

One more time? Don’t be afraid – we ALL need people, the RIGHT people in our lives. And….DO YOU BOO. Ahahaha. It could change your life [disclaimer: provided you find the right church, haha]! I wish I could have told this to my terrified teenage self all those years ago…

 

Be blessed,

 

Beckii x

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Personal Musings

TO LOVE IS TO BE VULNERABLE

disclaimer: I haven’t blogged properly in a while. This will probably end up being very rambly…

 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis

 

To love is to be vulnerable. But what exactly does this mean? I was reminded of this recently when watching a recent YouTube clip by a guy who I have the utmost respect for [if you dont know, now you know…he’s AWESOME^^]; Jeff Bethke, about being completely raw and honest with oneself, and with others, in order to know what it TRULY means to be human.

 

 

“to be truly human is to be truly known and someone who hides cant be known. we were created to need each other, to be honest with each other, to encourage each other and to love each other and that only happens when we’re open, with, each other…”

 

And as it goes, we ALL have something which we hide, something that we don’t want other people to know about. Because its weird, its unusual, its shameful, its embarassing…but in a way, isn’t that what makes us who we are? To hide our true selves, unique [haha somewhat??] qualities and experiences behind a photoshopped, seemingly unblemished carbon copy of ourselves is showing the world and those around us not who we ARE, but who we hope that they will see as acceptable and able to be loved.

 
But no one is perfect. And to be wholly, completely loved and understood by others, to be able to love other imperfect people completely, we have to break down our barriers and break our fear of people seeing us for who we really are.

 

“…and if I ever get a date with a dime I’m sending my representative,
the version of Andy that’s cropped and edited,
I’m killin’ this first impression, and I’m hidin the evidence,
Yea, photoshoppin’ the blemishes,
these lies of perfection are the cry of the desperate,
men that want that acceptance,
holdin they breath, dyin’ a thousand deaths,
forgettin there’s beauty inside the mess…”
– Andy Mineo, ‘Superhuman’

So we all crave for acceptance and love….with the irony that we are often too afraid to show our real selves to save ourselves the pain of possible rejection.

 

I spent most of my life exerting a lot of energy to hide my pain and problems to everyone around me, put on a mask and act like I had everything under control; when in reality I was crumbling inside. The fear that people would reject me and judge me and that I would be seen as a stupid, whiny, weak girl consumed me and led me to putting up huge barriers to everyone and everything. I wanted so much for someone to tell me I was fine as I was – but felt the need to pretend to be someone else to fit into social norms. So how could someone actually try to understand what I needed the most help for when I always hid what it was?

 

Jesus loves you, blemishes and all. For this is the reason he came and died – was to heal you and cleanse you! He didn’t come for the perfect, spotless beings…again, he came for the broken. I need this reminder all the time – that God wants us to be free of our personal bondages and chains; that because of what Jesus did on the cross we dont need to hide, we dont need to fear – and that we have the power to completely change our lives if we let Him in, and allow ourselves to love and be loved freely.

 

2 Corinthians 5:21 “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

 

 

There is freedom in letting go…

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