Personal Musings


“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”
― Malcolm X

as I alluded to in my previous blog, self-worth – or lack of it – had a tight grip on me growing up [and still holds me in bondage to some extent, even now] and well into my young adult working years [although…i suppose I’ve only been out of university some 3+ years…..shhhh! still counts somewhat, haha] I struggled against feeling I was worth anything and that I had to really, really WORK for acceptance and love from others. for it did not seem freely given.

how many times do we fall into this trap? watching the world around us – believing that if we are not good looking, don’t earn a lot of money, are not incredibly [book] smart, don’t have high status – that we are of lesser worth than those who have been blessed with the possession of such things.

NOT true! ….I try to remind myself of this…daily…because I fail…daily…rofl.

due to environmental factors growing up I held solid to the fact that if I did not perform well, if I did not earn a lot of money – then I was worth NOTHING. that noone would ever care, love, or notice me unless I could be impressive in some way.

so I wasn’t [naturally] the brightest crayon in the box, I was far from pretty [I went through WAY more than an ugly duckling phase. more like…brown bagged sickly ducky don’t-look-at-me phase], I was okay at a lot of things but never excelled at anything [ jack of all trades, master of none], I was incredibly introverted – and by constantly, constantly comparing myself to others, this pushed me to work hard to prove myself; but by the same vein, increased my self hatred and loathing tenfold.

[again…not healthy. don’t ever compare yourself to others. God made you the way you are, flaws and all. you have your own special purpose given to YOU – other people have their own, different purpose]

transitioning from that into an awkward young adult – trying to be something I wasn’t to try and earn the love others seemingly easily received [“why can’t I look like that?”]; constantly getting questions “when do you work?” “when are you working?” “how much money do you earn?” “you should be working to earn money right now” “why aren’t you getting any money for this?” …BURNT OUT. so I ask myself – why do I exist, if everything I do is never good enough and consequently noone will love me for it?

working so hard endlessly to earn your worth is fruitless – after a while it just feels like nothing you do will ever be good enough, right? that you have to keep doing more and more and more to feel your worth. WELCOME TO STRUGGLETOWN ^_____^

“I will never be rich enough”, “I will never be thin enough”, “I will never be pretty enough”, “I will never be popular enough”….the list goes on!




and then I realised – God calls us to live in this world, but not to be OF it [Paul tells us in 1 Peter 2:11, “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.”] – we do not need to look to the world for approval, nor to feel bad if we are not accepted as different to what is ‘normal’….because God made us just the way he wanted us:) we weren’t made to be SOMEONE ELSE.

Pastor Young Kim from Bethel Church preached this past weekend at a worship night, and one thing he said particularly stuck with me…WHO told you that you cant do a certain thing? Who told you that you aren’t beautiful? Who told you that you aren’t able to succeed? WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT WORTHY?

The lies of the world will always be around us – but we are called for a greater purpose! you ARE worthy, because God has chosen you as his child of light. And this is freely given to us through Jesus’ death, through what HE did. FREELY given. As cliche as this will be, im going to pop in the well used John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” [i swear this is relevant to what im about to write….really. ahaha]

Lot of people out there are like…PPFT! as if someone sacrificing their own son is love! …but isnt it? I can’t go too much into this for fear of veering too far off topic [rambling beckii…there’s a party going on in my head and I don’t know whats going on] but this is the extent of how much God loves YOU and how WORTHY YOU ARE – that you would be saved from the perils of sin [which we all have…don’t pretend you don’t. I certainly do] by sending his most beloved…his own son…to take the burden of all the things He hates, so that we may receive true life. and Jesus willingly took this burden.

A more relatable example – if someone was to die in place of you, willingly…someone who was a good, amazing person – what would you feel? would you be able to feel the sacrifice they made for you?



our worth lies in not how much we earn, or how many girls or boys we can attract, or how many likes we get on a Facebook status or followers on Twitter. what does it really matter if some celeb ‘follows’ you, or likes your status? they’re just people in the end, just like anyone else.

worldly status is nothing. our worth lies in who we ARE, and what we DO with it. God loves YOU, and God calls us to love each other as unconditionally as possible [….as humanly possible, anyway] and not fall into sin [of envy of others, of self hatred, of bitterness….etc].
cmon…when you KNOW someone loves you…don’t you feel all the more worthy?

as love increases; the need to meet standards of the world decreases. you WILL have value no matter what! in Gods eyes, and you don’t have to struggle to receive acceptance from those who may judge you on external/superficial factors. You can be poor as anything, rich as anything…it will not change God’s love for you. It’s going to be exactly the same regardless. Buddy.

Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

as love increases; your awareness of your true worth will start to increase….for you are loved, and there is no fear in true love [ 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”]


Other ladies [because…I need this just as much as you do] – you don’t need to struggle with conforming to the world’s standard of beauty…cake-facing your makeup is just gonna clog your pores;) and dressing for attention just brings the wrong attention…but we wont go into that too much in this blog. Man looks at outer appearances, but God will look at your HEART. again, its WHO YOU ARE that determines your worth.

A sister from Bethel church shared the past weekend, and another thing resounded with me. “God asked, “But don’t you care about what I think? Don’t you care about my words for you?”” Do we tune out God’s love for us and look more to the world for acceptance?

1 Peter 3:3-4 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

…aight. so let me be clear. I’m not saying you have to go au naturale and not care about your appearance because its all supposed to be ‘internal beauty’….no. just saying, it should not be the ROOT of where your beauty comes from! have substance…ladies:)



As for the worry of money and that we need more and more and more and more…chiiilll. God’s got this! Hebrews 13:5 tells us, “Keep your loves free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” “ Personally right now…I’m not earning anything. My status as someone who has cash moneys is gone [rofl]…but I’ve had the most joy in my life than I have ever, ever had, right now. Trust in God and don’t look to the world to find your worth.



We all are made differently for different purposes – y’all don’t need to compare yourself to someone who isn’t YOU. Especially in the body of Christ, we are all called to do different things, ESPECIALLY in our seeming weakness.

1 Corinthians 18-20 “But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If there were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”

1 Corinthians 12:22-23 “On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts we think are less honorable we treat with special honor…”

Ephesians 4:15-16 “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”



God can, and WILL use you if you are willing – you ARE worthy! [2 Corinthians 4:7-10 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”]

In the end, we are ALL THE SAME. noone is better than you; noone is worse. we all just have different roles in this world. so you have the same worth in God’s eyes as anyone else [and that is…everyone be exalted together WHOO]! So let us try to love each other rather than looking at everyone through green tinted glasses.

Galatians 3:26-29 “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourself with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

Galatians 5:13-15 “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.”



Again…we are made NEW in Christ. don’t worry about what the old you thought about your worth in this world. it’s irrelevant. and there’s something greater.

Ephesians 4:22-24 “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”



So to sum up my massive blah blah blah [wow this turned out to be longer than expected] – YOU ARE WORTHY. Trust and rest in God, and know that through Christ we will ALWAYS be loved and worthy, no matter how much you think you messed up your life.

Love others; don’t compare yourself to others who are not you, and don’t have the same purpose as you. God sees your beauty [man I struggle on this one] and will have a specific plan for YOU. we are NOT perfect, noone is – but doesn’t mean your flaws cannot be loved. so don’t try and struggle to prove your worth by trying to be something else when this love for you comes freely to you.

and as a side note…you have struggles – but don’t worry, so does everyone else [yes, yes…THEY DO.] who knows…someone else could be looking up to you, thinking they want what you have…=]


be blessed,



beckii xo



p.s I’m still working on this belief myself….weee cmonnnnn I need to break this!