Personal Musings

DON’T BELIEVE THE LIES.

What are the lies that you believe about yourself? “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not thin enough.” “I’m not GOOD enough.” “I’ll never succeed.” “I can’t do it.” …and the list goes on. How much garbage do we allow the enemy to feed to us, for us to believe it as truth? How easy is it, to let one thought poison your mind and infiltrate? And like a cancer it spreads…and the lie becomes a *part* of you.

 

My pastor here in Seoul challenged us all to give up something for 40 days in the count down to Easter – to give up something that we ‘need’ and rely on, and replace it with time/thoughts focused towards God instead (well….thats always the plan. Doesn’t always end up that way though, haha). So me, being the bread-loving, -loving, carb-loving crazie that I am, decided to give up all carbs. Something that I have indeed fasted before, but of which killed me for a LOT shorter period of time than 40 days ( my previous time was 3 weeks….daaaang that was hard)…Lord be with me! Haha.

 

So of course, now all I can think about is BREADBREADBREADBREADWAFFLESPANCAKESRICENOODLESWAFFLESPANCAKES!STOPEATINGBREADNEARMEWHATSTHATSSMELLWAFFLES!?BREADRICECAKEARGGHH. Wish I was kidding….hahaha. Okay. Kind of=P

 

This time however, although I KNOW now what it is like to deprive myself of bready goodness (or anything white, processed and nummy for that matter), to my horror my mind took a turn for the worse – something that since leaving Australia and stepping foot in Korea – has never happened. And it felt all, too, much…like ‘home’.

 

As stupid as it sounds, id been riding so long and so high on a cloud of God-given joy during my time in Seoul, that I almost forgot what it was like to feel complete hopelessness and to feel despair. Not that I haven’t had times of struggle here; but rather the first time in a long time that I felt that it was ME who was the problem…and my mind shut down.

 

So here I was, thinking that I could have possibly rid myself of my condition forever. Sure seemed like it, with smooth sailing in my head for the past year or so, my mental health pushing forward rather than back. But as a lot of you out there most likely know, the harder you try to run towards God, the faster and harder opposition attacks – and since struggling and consequently crashing in the past few weeks, I have now learnt a few things:

 

  1. Mental health issues do not just ‘disappear’ (my life wish) – in most cases, you simply learn how to live with them, and ‘control’ it better ( and battle it, at some points. I wish I had a lightsaber. And for those of you out there who think differently, Christians are as prone to psychological issues as anyone else. Christians are human like anyone else, yoo)
  2. The words and expectations of others can be VERY damaging. We need to remember that we are all made differently; we all have a different plan and purpose for our lives – what God planned for us, not what others around us want us to do and be. Our worth doesn’t lie in other people’s opinions of us! So a reminder to look to the opinion and guidance of the one who matters the most – God.
  3. Our mind is our battlefield most of the time – without the believe that we CAN, we WILL, that HE will – it is so easy to give p, so easy to be disheartened and to be stuck in limbo with no heart to push through your struggles and push forward.
  4. Being stuck with darkness in our lives SUCKS, no doubt – but without testing and situations that need patience, would we ever feel the need to trust God? Or would he be pushed to the side, stuffed back into the emergency box for when we actually need a *miracle*? So I ask myself for the billionth time…do I trust You will bring me through again, God?

 

My friend reminded me – even though this FEELS like it did in the past, I am no longer the person I was – and I have a new arsenal of weapons to go into battle with; including the knowledge that what I think IS indeed a lie. Amen to that – this is where I go and slap myself in the face and tell my brain to shut up.

 

So I am mentally recharged and moderately better from the emotional slump I was in last week; but in a way it was a good reality check on my weaknesses, and the need to stop seeking approval through other people. Whether they are out to secretly undermine you, or they love you but dont understand you, OR you just had a bad day and anything that comes out of their mouth sounds like they trying to mess with you….in the end, FORGET those lies. FORGET what the enemy tells you, its a freakin LIE. I gotta remember to look UP, to look forward. And thats it.

 

Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

 

Ending with Andy Mineo – You Can’t Stop Me. Hehe//

 

Be blessed,

 

Beckii.

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Personal Musings

I CALLED YOU TO SOMETHING MORE.

I’m sure we’ve all been there – those moments when someone gets on our nerves, says something uncalled for [or possibly that they didn’t think it through before it came out of their mouths] or seem to be displaying mad pride which they need to deal with [at least…well at least YOU think so, haha – doesn’t that say something about ourselves? haha]…

I’ve definitely been in those situations of late. Feeling frustrated that people seem to think I’m on some prolonged holiday doing nothing because I don’t hold a conventional job right now; feeling annoyed that someone acts like they have everything sorted out and that I’m below them because I don’t….

But then. I remind myself – this is why we need grace. This is why they need grace. For judging me for things that they do not understand. This is why I MYSELF need grace – for judging someone for things that I may not completely understand. Yet I then remember that God is a god of personal, unique relationships – that just because someone’s salvation looks different to mine, doesn’t necessarily make their walk wrong.

 

And that is why love is a COMMAND, right? Because its never easy to love someone in an unconditional way through our eyes, when WE see the world in a certain way – tunnel vision? – while God can see the WHOLE picture.

God spoke and told me, “I called you to love. Just to LOVE people.” – so I repent of those thoughts…because we need to accept each other as we ARE. That we are all different. And just love them nevertheless.

 

Romans 12:3 “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

Romans 12:6a “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us…”

Philippians 2:1-4 “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

 

In other news – Andy Mineo’s new EP ‘Neverland’ dropped yesterday – and while I don’t love ALL of the album’s beats….the lyrics are definitely ALL on point and convict me to think more about my own life and where I came from…so I definitely need to highlight a few tracks on a blog here soon:)) Check it out at  http://reach.merchline.com/products/andy-mineo-never-land!

 

for now – one of my favourite tracks from his EP…more later!

 

be blessed!

 

Beckii x

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Personal Musings

URBAN INFLUENCE.

Been thinking a lot recently about the rise of urban culture and Jesus culture lately.  Christian hiphop has definitely taken a turn for the better in recent years in America thanks to such people as Lecrae and the 116 crew, Propaganda, MC Jin, Lampmode Records etc….more and more rappers are rising up to speak words of truth and light…

And now to reside currently in Seoul, and to be in contact with influential people within the hiphop circles HERE who are believers, it makes me really think – God is DEFINITELY going to use this for His glory, and we are going to be part of something beautiful and amazing, in due time!

Definitely is going to take some time and a lot of prayer…but I can feel it. So thankful for the genuine hearts around me who want to make a change and reach out:)

 

Wrote about him time and time again, but Andy Mineo is my all time favourite 116 member and it makes me so inspired to see him spit God-infused rhymes in a non-Christian cypher enviroment – one in a local New York environment doing a dope, chilled out rendition of ‘Cocky’ ; and another in the MTV Rapfix cypher battles seen HERE!

[My favourite verses from that cypher:

“and we got no shame like Ricky Ross with his shirt off” (ROFL)

“and rap has got a manhood problem i swear, they’re just a bunch of grown boys with facial hair”

“blaspheming God with the lungs he gave oxygen, He will not be mocked, don’t you remember Sodom man?” ]

 

UNASHAMED! and thats wassup. Much respect to have that courage!

Called to be the light of the world; yet we can’t do that if we aren’t present in darkness…

 

 

 

“I’ll introduce you to Supplier, cause He don’t want your deeds boy He wants your desires
It’s hard to spit fire when you hardly get inspired by the genre you’re inside of
Everybody wanna try to be something they not, well guess what do you
I’m still covered in His blood like SuWoo”

 

FIRE!! …..hahaha alright enjoy.

 

blessings,

 

Beckii.

 

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Personal Musings

FOR THE BROKEN.

“Welcome to the church in the wild
I live with dudes haven’t been to church in a while
I’ve chosen this lifestyle, you ever met my friends?
Porn stars, dope dealers, they like, “Why you chill with them”?
I thought you was a Christian? Yeah I’m on that team
But I’m with them cause my life’s the only bible that they’ve ever seen” –

– Andy Mineo

 

 

Once again, this post was inspired by thoughts provoked from listening to Andy Mineo‘s track ‘Wild Things‘. STILL a must-buy album for me, so please check it out if you haven’t had the chance yet!

 
I think a common misconception I come across is that when people think of Christians – they immediately associate Christians with innocent, ‘goody two-shoes’ people who either are oblivious to anything bad around them and are permanently living in candyland; or as people who have a superiority complex over others who seemingly have a worse/more sinful lifestyle…

 
…this isnt true at all. Christians are not BETTER than anyone else in any way; its simply one being able to ADMIT their failures and sins, and having the humility to surrender everything to the one who CAN save. As I said in my previous post; we are all equal – no matter who we are, we all have the exact same potential to sin – to be Christian is just to admit this, and KNOW that God is in control, and when Jesus said “It is FINISHED.” He meant it.

 
As Jeff Bethke [a young guy from Seattle who’s wisdom i REALLY respect] put nicely in his “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus” spoken word,

 
“Because if grace is water, then the church should be an ocean
It’s not a museum for good people, it’s a hospital for the broken
Which means I don’t have to hide my failure, I don’t have to hide my sin
Because it doesn’t depend on me it depends on him”

 

 

Jesus came into the world to SAVE everyone, but especially those who needed healing and restoration – and called on the BROKEN to become soldiers of light [Matthew 9:12 “On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.’ “]. For the righteous and those who had everything in their lifes didn’t believe in Jesus or that they needed Him.

 
And isn’t this somewhat true of today? How often do we come to God to pray when we are in dire trouble, or in desperate need of something? We pray out of desperation when it is convenient for us – like we keep God in a little box labelled “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY”. But how often do we come to God when we have everything we need? How often would we sacrifice something for God when we are in a position to receive everything we need WITHOUT Him?

 
This is why [I believe] that in countries that are less priveledged, the love of God [towards God] and the grace of God shown in much greater amounts; for in times of trial and tribulation, God pours out his grace. I have heard this first hand from North Korean women who escaped Kim Jong Il’s reign [by the skin of their teeth, mind you. My heart breaks at what ‘normal’ life is for them over there] and I was astonished, and HUMBLED by how great their faith was, how much more than mine – MUCH MUCH more than mine, women who have suffered emotionally and physically in ways that I could not even…comprehend. And how God provided soo richly for them – for without suffering in some way, there is no door for God to enter our lives, and we are [naturally] not as aware of God as much. because we technically ‘don’t need Him’.

 

2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

 
Okay so…a lot of time I also get “Why would you want someone to control your life? Have fun not doing what YOU want to do.” Lets think of it another way – not ‘control’.
When life feeds you lemons and vinegar and NOTHING seems to be going right, and you don’t know where to go or what to do or HOW to do it…how much would you want someone who LOVES you to come, give you a hug, tell you its okay and that you don’t HAVE to be strong all the time because they will be strong for you and protect you. and that they’re going to hold your hand through your hard times and will help you to fix up your life – if only you let them. AND granted, to get that feeling involves having FAITH [which…is important…and hard…hahaha] but God WILL provide. He comes for the broken, not for the able.

 
1 Timothy 1:15 “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.”

 
God entered my life at a period where I was beyond broken – and was ready to throw myself away – but 3-4 years on, through a [painful, and still ongoing] process, I am someone who I never thought I would be. and I am so SO thankful for that; for God took hold of my life and cut off the limbs that needed to be cut, broke the chains and is teaching me to be something different; VERY different, but better. I’m starting to find out what ‘life’ looks like, for the first time EVER.
So if this is what ‘control’ looks like, im all in. The world could never give me what I hoped it would; as much as I tried. I can’t control my own life, I stuff it up. And I’m definitely not the only one who thinks this.

 
God can and will use you in what you THOUGHT was a weakness – but it will be a point in which you can minister to those who go through the same thing; the main difference being is that you’ve reached the light at the end of the tunnel…how much would you be able to HELP them; when others who have not had that particular experience would not be able to relate in the same way? how AWESOME is that?

 

Let us not forget, that through what Jesus did on the cross we are washed CLEAN. Broken or not, we do not need to hold that burden of our sin.

 
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 “Do you know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? ….And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

 
Ephesians 2:4-5 “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace that you have been saved.”

 
…CLEAAAAAN!! \o/

 

 

Also a reminder – a lot of prominent people in the Bible were sinners, and did great works for God – Moses was a murderer, Paul actively prosecuted Christians + was responsible for many deaths, David committed adultery and consequential murder, Rahab was a prostitute….now I’m sure a lot of you haven’t killed anyone or committed adultery [or have you? just kidding] – and look how God was able to use them! So how much would He also be able to use YOU? 😀

 

 

2 Corinthians 4:7 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God, and not from us.”
So, my jars of clay…we know that God will give us the potential for greatness, despite being broken and in need of help. And it is the LOST who need God…and who need to be reached out to.

 
“But um, if we ain’t living it who else gon’ show em
What a family supposed to look like instead of them broken homes
Gotta be living stones around where they getting stoned”

 

did this make sense? I’m never sure, haha.

 

be blessed,

 

beckii xo

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Passage Musings

ALL EQUAL.

Listening to Andy Mineo’s new ‘Heroes for Sale’ album for the past few days nonstop has evoked many a new thought in my head. Its AWESOME. AMAZING. Whatever you want to call it, Andy is on fire and the more I listen the more meaning I hear from his lyrics.

 

CONVICTION. Anyway….I might blog more in depth about his awesome album in a later post. Go support a brother and buy his album on iTunes! or on Reach Records if you don’t have iTunes, like me.

 

Christian rap is starting to reaaaaallly be on point. PtL for hiphop!

 

 

 

SO! As ‘Superhuman’ played in my head all Friday morning [ “so the grace I talk about in all of my records / I need it for myself cause really I’m just a mess”, “they expected / me to be a man without flaws / thats false I am just another rapper that’s called to point y’all to the cross”] it made me think of the vineyard parable I had recently read in Matthew.

 

 

Matthew 20:1-16 (NIV)

 

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay then a denarius for the day and sent them out into his vineyard.

About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went.

He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’

‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered. He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’

When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’

The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. So when those who came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These men who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you who have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’

But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarious? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’

So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

 

 

 

Okay that was long. And I suppose when I read it on first glance, I too was kind of like…what the heck?! Who toils all day and gets the same pay as someone who only worked one hour? Thats not fair! But I think it is actually a pretty hmm…humbling revelation when you realise that in the kingdom of God, it ain’t about you and how much more you did compared to someone else. Its what Jesus did for us; and that no matter how long you have been saved for, EVERYONE’s salvation is the same, and equal in God’s eyes.

 

The workers who were asked to the vineyard earlier believed it was for their OWN efforts that they deserved to be paid more, even thought they had agreed on the wage they were to be given.

 

In contrast, the workers that were left over in the eleventh hour were just that. Left over. and probably not the most able. The best always get chosen first for something, right? until the landowner came and found them and gave them work to do and the chance to earn some money.

 

And so we can see [or at least I think so…welcome to my blog haha] that this is an example of God’s GRACE. That no matter if we are blessed with more skills and abilities to do more and reach higher status and success in this world, or if we are more unfortunate in our circumstances and fail at things in our life, it doesn’t matter. God’s grace extends to us all, in the same amount, and we all receive the SAME salvation.

 

So be humbled in knowing that you are not superior over anyone else; nor are you any lesser. we are alllllll but…human! and Jesus came to die for us all….not for anything we did in particular, but that God’s love extends unconditionally for all.

 

 

blessings,

 

 

beckii xo

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