Personal Musings


What are the lies that you believe about yourself? “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not thin enough.” “I’m not GOOD enough.” “I’ll never succeed.” “I can’t do it.” …and the list goes on. How much garbage do we allow the enemy to feed to us, for us to believe it as truth? How easy is it, to let one thought poison your mind and infiltrate? And like a cancer it spreads…and the lie becomes a *part* of you.


My pastor here in Seoul challenged us all to give up something for 40 days in the count down to Easter – to give up something that we ‘need’ and rely on, and replace it with time/thoughts focused towards God instead (well….thats always the plan. Doesn’t always end up that way though, haha). So me, being the bread-loving, -loving, carb-loving crazie that I am, decided to give up all carbs. Something that I have indeed fasted before, but of which killed me for a LOT shorter period of time than 40 days ( my previous time was 3 weeks….daaaang that was hard)…Lord be with me! Haha.




This time however, although I KNOW now what it is like to deprive myself of bready goodness (or anything white, processed and nummy for that matter), to my horror my mind took a turn for the worse – something that since leaving Australia and stepping foot in Korea – has never happened. And it felt all, too, much…like ‘home’.


As stupid as it sounds, id been riding so long and so high on a cloud of God-given joy during my time in Seoul, that I almost forgot what it was like to feel complete hopelessness and to feel despair. Not that I haven’t had times of struggle here; but rather the first time in a long time that I felt that it was ME who was the problem…and my mind shut down.


So here I was, thinking that I could have possibly rid myself of my condition forever. Sure seemed like it, with smooth sailing in my head for the past year or so, my mental health pushing forward rather than back. But as a lot of you out there most likely know, the harder you try to run towards God, the faster and harder opposition attacks – and since struggling and consequently crashing in the past few weeks, I have now learnt a few things:


  1. Mental health issues do not just ‘disappear’ (my life wish) – in most cases, you simply learn how to live with them, and ‘control’ it better ( and battle it, at some points. I wish I had a lightsaber. And for those of you out there who think differently, Christians are as prone to psychological issues as anyone else. Christians are human like anyone else, yoo)
  2. The words and expectations of others can be VERY damaging. We need to remember that we are all made differently; we all have a different plan and purpose for our lives – what God planned for us, not what others around us want us to do and be. Our worth doesn’t lie in other people’s opinions of us! So a reminder to look to the opinion and guidance of the one who matters the most – God.
  3. Our mind is our battlefield most of the time – without the believe that we CAN, we WILL, that HE will – it is so easy to give p, so easy to be disheartened and to be stuck in limbo with no heart to push through your struggles and push forward.
  4. Being stuck with darkness in our lives SUCKS, no doubt – but without testing and situations that need patience, would we ever feel the need to trust God? Or would he be pushed to the side, stuffed back into the emergency box for when we actually need a *miracle*? So I ask myself for the billionth time…do I trust You will bring me through again, God?


My friend reminded me – even though this FEELS like it did in the past, I am no longer the person I was – and I have a new arsenal of weapons to go into battle with; including the knowledge that what I think IS indeed a lie. Amen to that – this is where I go and slap myself in the face and tell my brain to shut up.


So I am mentally recharged and moderately better from the emotional slump I was in last week; but in a way it was a good reality check on my weaknesses, and the need to stop seeking approval through other people. Whether they are out to secretly undermine you, or they love you but dont understand you, OR you just had a bad day and anything that comes out of their mouth sounds like they trying to mess with you….in the end, FORGET those lies. FORGET what the enemy tells you, its a freakin LIE. I gotta remember to look UP, to look forward. And thats it.


Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”


Ending with Andy Mineo – You Can’t Stop Me. Hehe//


Be blessed,



Personal Musings


I’m sure we’ve all been there – those moments when someone gets on our nerves, says something uncalled for [or possibly that they didn’t think it through before it came out of their mouths] or seem to be displaying mad pride which they need to deal with [at least…well at least YOU think so, haha – doesn’t that say something about ourselves? haha]…

I’ve definitely been in those situations of late. Feeling frustrated that people seem to think I’m on some prolonged holiday doing nothing because I don’t hold a conventional job right now; feeling annoyed that someone acts like they have everything sorted out and that I’m below them because I don’t….

But then. I remind myself – this is why we need grace. This is why they need grace. For judging me for things that they do not understand. This is why I MYSELF need grace – for judging someone for things that I may not completely understand. Yet I then remember that God is a god of personal, unique relationships – that just because someone’s salvation looks different to mine, doesn’t necessarily make their walk wrong.


And that is why love is a COMMAND, right? Because its never easy to love someone in an unconditional way through our eyes, when WE see the world in a certain way – tunnel vision? – while God can see the WHOLE picture.

God spoke and told me, “I called you to love. Just to LOVE people.” – so I repent of those thoughts…because we need to accept each other as we ARE. That we are all different. And just love them nevertheless.


Romans 12:3 “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

Romans 12:6a “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us…”

Philippians 2:1-4 “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”


In other news – Andy Mineo’s new EP ‘Neverland’ dropped yesterday – and while I don’t love ALL of the album’s beats….the lyrics are definitely ALL on point and convict me to think more about my own life and where I came from…so I definitely need to highlight a few tracks on a blog here soon:)) Check it out at!


for now – one of my favourite tracks from his EP…more later!


be blessed!


Beckii x

Personal Musings


Been thinking a lot recently about the rise of urban culture and Jesus culture lately.  Christian hiphop has definitely taken a turn for the better in recent years in America thanks to such people as Lecrae and the 116 crew, Propaganda, MC Jin, Lampmode Records etc….more and more rappers are rising up to speak words of truth and light…

And now to reside currently in Seoul, and to be in contact with influential people within the hiphop circles HERE who are believers, it makes me really think – God is DEFINITELY going to use this for His glory, and we are going to be part of something beautiful and amazing, in due time!

Definitely is going to take some time and a lot of prayer…but I can feel it. So thankful for the genuine hearts around me who want to make a change and reach out:)


Wrote about him time and time again, but Andy Mineo is my all time favourite 116 member and it makes me so inspired to see him spit God-infused rhymes in a non-Christian cypher enviroment – one in a local New York environment doing a dope, chilled out rendition of ‘Cocky’ ; and another in the MTV Rapfix cypher battles seen HERE!

[My favourite verses from that cypher:

“and we got no shame like Ricky Ross with his shirt off” (ROFL)

“and rap has got a manhood problem i swear, they’re just a bunch of grown boys with facial hair”

“blaspheming God with the lungs he gave oxygen, He will not be mocked, don’t you remember Sodom man?” ]


UNASHAMED! and thats wassup. Much respect to have that courage!

Called to be the light of the world; yet we can’t do that if we aren’t present in darkness…




“I’ll introduce you to Supplier, cause He don’t want your deeds boy He wants your desires
It’s hard to spit fire when you hardly get inspired by the genre you’re inside of
Everybody wanna try to be something they not, well guess what do you
I’m still covered in His blood like SuWoo”


FIRE!! …..hahaha alright enjoy.






Personal Musings


Why herro, thankyou for stopping by. Disclaimer: these thoughts are my own, nothing else. You don’t have to agree with it:)

This question has been playing on my mind lately; what exactly does it mean to be Christian?

The preconceived notion by self-righteous Christians and a lot of non-Christians about Christians being/needing to be seen as ‘perfect’ and ‘flawless’ because [perrrhappsss] they are ‘holy’… is common, but far from the truth….when in reality [again] we ALL fall short of God, as we are human and ALL falliable to sin, and ALL have the potential to sin equally.


So I pose the question to myself [and I suppose, everyone else] – what is a Christian? What SHOULD a Christian look like?

If you see someone on the street dressed differently to you, listening to different music to you, someone who has different issues to you…are they unlikely or unable to believe Jesus is the Son of God, and that he also died for them?

It’s pretty common to judge others by appearance, especially within church circles, as this pastor’s blog evidently displays…


For the first time as a minister of the gospel I poorly attempted to put my feet in the shoes of “non-christians” and I confess… I would have probably written off church/organized religion if I wasn’t already a Christian.”



To be Christian is to believe in our salvation through Jesus Christ, to have a relationship with Him, to believe that we are weak where He is strong, that God becomes our strength. God is a personal God, so whatever your salvation looks like doesn’t necessarily look like someone elses – and I feel that is where a lot of misunderstanding and misconceptions stem from; and hypocritical Christians start to point fingers. Point fingers in their pride over someone else, when they don’t see the log in their own eye.


John 8: 3-9 “…They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.”

[side note: Trip Lee from Lecrae’s crew 116 writes a good article on the meaning of judging others, based on the passage from Matthew 7: HERE]


I felt that. When I first became Christian, I struggled pretty badly with my identity. Who am I? Who am I SUPPOSED to be? Possibly the only girl to rock up weekly to church in kicks and hoodies [when I didn’t have work, haha], I felt like I could never be as ‘holy’ or ‘good’ as the leaders up on stage.


Yes I like [love!?] hiphop music. Yes I like ear piercings and tattoo art. Yes I have done regretful stupid things and made mistakes. Am I unworthy? And so that guilt and shame would be a constant tide over me, waves after waves, every week and at every church event.


Lecrae feat. W.L.A.K – Misconception Pt 2

“We’re flawless and we think we’re better

Its official got it all together

We don’t want em getting the wrong impressions

Cause that ain’t real thats a misconception

Been a struggle only Jesus keep us

And we still fall, so its hard to get up

We don’t want em getting the wrong impressions

Cause this is real, ain’t no misconception.”


It wasn’t until I came to Korea this time round that God convicted me and spoke volumes into my life – that I realised that my worth isn’t/doesn’t have to be of this world and of what people think of me, but lies in Him and what He thinks of me.

“Don’t you care what I think?” …I think we can get so caught up in trying to please the world and the people around us that we forget [as Christians] whose opinion matters the most. And! That God loves us, and takes as as we ARE, scars, blemishes and all.


Romans 5:7-8 “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”


I started to see that I wasn’t the only one who could love hiphop culture and Jesus culture concurrently. That I didn’t need to pretend to be someone else. That God made us all differently…SO THAT we can relate and and reach out and spread love to people who are like us, but who don’t know Jesus. Meet them where they are at; rather than speaking from a place ‘above’ or from one that they cannot relate to.


Lecrae ‘I am Second’


Lecrae on Erasing Sacred/Secular Divide & Engaging Culture


A friend from church asked me last week, “What do you think of Christian screamo music?” Well…it’s not really my cup of tea, but if it convicts your heart and allows you to draw closer to God, and worship/praise in a more relatable way….why not? Who are we to judge? [provided the lyrics are God-glorifying and pointing to Him in some way…else…I dunno maybe not hahah]


Just in the same vein – I have plenty of friends who would not touch my Christian hiphop. But for me…whose mood can COMPLETELY lift when I hear awesome music that touches my heart, especially hiphop – to hear people rapping or singing [WELL!] over a [GOOD!] beat – challenging me, convicting me in the lyrics and pointing me closer to God…well. That’s freakin awesome. And makes me excited….hehe \o/!


It is by grace alone that we are saved, by what JESUS did, not by our own strengths.

Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.”


So let God work in your life the way that He is supposed to…because God made you the way He wanted, and can make something out of EVERY situation in our lives! If change occurs – it’ll be through Him and because of Him; not because of other humans guiding your actions.


It’s ridiculous to harshly condemn others and to stand over them as if your life is perfect. God is the only judge with clean hands. The rest of us are dirty people, pointing each other to the shower.”Trip Lee


I don’t want to be a hypocrite.


MC Jin – Hypocrite [Black Chapter] – album drops today, buy on iTunes!:)


be blessed,



Personal Musings


…easier said than done, right?


Humility is imperative as a Christian – especially when dealing with people who seemingly have ‘more sin’ than yourself.


Posting this late – I have a billion blogs so excuse my irregularity haha – but I love this depiction of hypocritical, self righteous Christians by Derek Minor [aka Pro], Dee-1 and Lecrae.


Dont judge what you dont know and where you haven’t been – as always, Jesus came for the BROKEN.

Challenging to think about:)





Passage Musings


Listening to Andy Mineo’s new ‘Heroes for Sale’ album for the past few days nonstop has evoked many a new thought in my head. Its AWESOME. AMAZING. Whatever you want to call it, Andy is on fire and the more I listen the more meaning I hear from his lyrics.


CONVICTION. Anyway….I might blog more in depth about his awesome album in a later post. Go support a brother and buy his album on iTunes! or on Reach Records if you don’t have iTunes, like me.


Christian rap is starting to reaaaaallly be on point. PtL for hiphop!




SO! As ‘Superhuman’ played in my head all Friday morning [ “so the grace I talk about in all of my records / I need it for myself cause really I’m just a mess”, “they expected / me to be a man without flaws / thats false I am just another rapper that’s called to point y’all to the cross”] it made me think of the vineyard parable I had recently read in Matthew.



Matthew 20:1-16 (NIV)


“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay then a denarius for the day and sent them out into his vineyard.

About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went.

He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’

‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered. He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’

When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’

The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. So when those who came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These men who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you who have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’

But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarious? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’

So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”




Okay that was long. And I suppose when I read it on first glance, I too was kind of like…what the heck?! Who toils all day and gets the same pay as someone who only worked one hour? Thats not fair! But I think it is actually a pretty hmm…humbling revelation when you realise that in the kingdom of God, it ain’t about you and how much more you did compared to someone else. Its what Jesus did for us; and that no matter how long you have been saved for, EVERYONE’s salvation is the same, and equal in God’s eyes.


The workers who were asked to the vineyard earlier believed it was for their OWN efforts that they deserved to be paid more, even thought they had agreed on the wage they were to be given.


In contrast, the workers that were left over in the eleventh hour were just that. Left over. and probably not the most able. The best always get chosen first for something, right? until the landowner came and found them and gave them work to do and the chance to earn some money.


And so we can see [or at least I think so…welcome to my blog haha] that this is an example of God’s GRACE. That no matter if we are blessed with more skills and abilities to do more and reach higher status and success in this world, or if we are more unfortunate in our circumstances and fail at things in our life, it doesn’t matter. God’s grace extends to us all, in the same amount, and we all receive the SAME salvation.


So be humbled in knowing that you are not superior over anyone else; nor are you any lesser. we are alllllll but…human! and Jesus came to die for us all….not for anything we did in particular, but that God’s love extends unconditionally for all.






beckii xo