Personal Musings

DON’T BELIEVE THE LIES.

What are the lies that you believe about yourself? “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not thin enough.” “I’m not GOOD enough.” “I’ll never succeed.” “I can’t do it.” …and the list goes on. How much garbage do we allow the enemy to feed to us, for us to believe it as truth? How easy is it, to let one thought poison your mind and infiltrate? And like a cancer it spreads…and the lie becomes a *part* of you.

 

My pastor here in Seoul challenged us all to give up something for 40 days in the count down to Easter – to give up something that we ‘need’ and rely on, and replace it with time/thoughts focused towards God instead (well….thats always the plan. Doesn’t always end up that way though, haha). So me, being the bread-loving, -loving, carb-loving crazie that I am, decided to give up all carbs. Something that I have indeed fasted before, but of which killed me for a LOT shorter period of time than 40 days ( my previous time was 3 weeks….daaaang that was hard)…Lord be with me! Haha.

 

So of course, now all I can think about is BREADBREADBREADBREADWAFFLESPANCAKESRICENOODLESWAFFLESPANCAKES!STOPEATINGBREADNEARMEWHATSTHATSSMELLWAFFLES!?BREADRICECAKEARGGHH. Wish I was kidding….hahaha. Okay. Kind of=P

 

This time however, although I KNOW now what it is like to deprive myself of bready goodness (or anything white, processed and nummy for that matter), to my horror my mind took a turn for the worse – something that since leaving Australia and stepping foot in Korea – has never happened. And it felt all, too, much…like ‘home’.

 

As stupid as it sounds, id been riding so long and so high on a cloud of God-given joy during my time in Seoul, that I almost forgot what it was like to feel complete hopelessness and to feel despair. Not that I haven’t had times of struggle here; but rather the first time in a long time that I felt that it was ME who was the problem…and my mind shut down.

 

So here I was, thinking that I could have possibly rid myself of my condition forever. Sure seemed like it, with smooth sailing in my head for the past year or so, my mental health pushing forward rather than back. But as a lot of you out there most likely know, the harder you try to run towards God, the faster and harder opposition attacks – and since struggling and consequently crashing in the past few weeks, I have now learnt a few things:

 

  1. Mental health issues do not just ‘disappear’ (my life wish) – in most cases, you simply learn how to live with them, and ‘control’ it better ( and battle it, at some points. I wish I had a lightsaber. And for those of you out there who think differently, Christians are as prone to psychological issues as anyone else. Christians are human like anyone else, yoo)
  2. The words and expectations of others can be VERY damaging. We need to remember that we are all made differently; we all have a different plan and purpose for our lives – what God planned for us, not what others around us want us to do and be. Our worth doesn’t lie in other people’s opinions of us! So a reminder to look to the opinion and guidance of the one who matters the most – God.
  3. Our mind is our battlefield most of the time – without the believe that we CAN, we WILL, that HE will – it is so easy to give p, so easy to be disheartened and to be stuck in limbo with no heart to push through your struggles and push forward.
  4. Being stuck with darkness in our lives SUCKS, no doubt – but without testing and situations that need patience, would we ever feel the need to trust God? Or would he be pushed to the side, stuffed back into the emergency box for when we actually need a *miracle*? So I ask myself for the billionth time…do I trust You will bring me through again, God?

 

My friend reminded me – even though this FEELS like it did in the past, I am no longer the person I was – and I have a new arsenal of weapons to go into battle with; including the knowledge that what I think IS indeed a lie. Amen to that – this is where I go and slap myself in the face and tell my brain to shut up.

 

So I am mentally recharged and moderately better from the emotional slump I was in last week; but in a way it was a good reality check on my weaknesses, and the need to stop seeking approval through other people. Whether they are out to secretly undermine you, or they love you but dont understand you, OR you just had a bad day and anything that comes out of their mouth sounds like they trying to mess with you….in the end, FORGET those lies. FORGET what the enemy tells you, its a freakin LIE. I gotta remember to look UP, to look forward. And thats it.

 

Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

 

Ending with Andy Mineo – You Can’t Stop Me. Hehe//

 

Be blessed,

 

Beckii.

Standard
Passage Musings, Personal Musings

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS….PRAY.

Isn’t it funny, that when we have everything going good, we tend to forget about God and put Him on the backburner, away in a box to collect dust, only to take that magic lamp back out and ask for our 3 wishes when our lives once again, take a turn for the worse?

 

Although I don’t think I’ve ever been that ‘unreliant’ on God…still, in a sense…how often do we believe our prayers and actually believe that He WILL? That despite our seemingly dire circumstances (amidst fist shaking at the sky screamng, “WHY GOD, WHY??” – am I being a little too melodramatic here?) that He will use them to shape and mould us into something better…but in His timing?

 

Been thinking about that a lot lately. Stuck in the mental rut of, “So…what the hell am I doing again?” and, “I’m trying so hard but I don’t know if this is going anywhere…” and I fall further and further into a negative spiral of helpless thoughts, periodically slapping myself in the face to try and raise myself into positivity again.

 

The sermon at church was preached on Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 

Jesus is pretty much, coming to us with open arms, inviting us to come and REST. Rest is guaranteed.

He ISN’T saying, “I miiiight give you rest.” “IF you clean yourself up perfectly first, then maaaaybe you get a break.” “Just kidding! Here’s a heavier burden to carry HAHA.” but INSTEAD, “Come, and I WILL give you rest. I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (haha…heavily paraphrased.)

 

A good point that was pointed out by my friend is that, Jesus never said he would take AWAY our burden (the yoke) but rather, lighten the load so that it becomes easier for us. Because who said this life would be without troubles? He certainly didn’t! (John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”)

 

SO! (after that huge deviation) I ask myself….do I REALLY trust You? You PROMISE me rest, You promise me You will never leave me nor forsake me…yet am I still letting my burdens and worries overwhelm me by gripping tight to the steering wheel of my life, rather than trusting You to guide me in the right direction? (…I was never a great driver, hahahhaha…)

 

So yes…I took a massive leap of faith in dropping my life in Australia to come and find a new one with God in Korea. And yes, I have hope for my future with all the cool, exciting opportunities that are popping up, despite being in an extended stage of limbo and uncertainty at the moment….but I can’t let this fog cloud my vision. To have faith, is to step out into a place of which we cannot see, to have courage to follow into the darkness….sigh.

 

Lord, be my eyes and guide my heart.

 

*SLAPS SELF IN FACE*

 

Blessings,

 

Beckii.

Standard