Personal Musings

GOODBYE 2013, HELLO 2014.

monkeybear new years eve 2013
(shameless plug for my art page —>HERE, hehe^^)

As I sit and write this, I can’t believe that as 2014 rolls around I will have been here in Seoul for one year. One whole year! – well, longer than that if you count my short 2012 stint but…anyway – what an incredible year. I…don’t even know where to begin. My life has done a complete 180 degrees since stepping back into South Korea in December 2012 – reminiscing with church family at New Years Eve on what we were thankful for, what we hoped for 2013…I remember as I said goodbye to Melbourne, as I sat waiting for transit in Singapore – only I felt that impact, the anxiousness of a new season to come. Scared of what I couldn’t see. That this was IT.

I said goodbye to my life in Australia; I wasn’t sure what was going to happen – “GOD, HAVE YOUR WAY” – maybe I would sort myself in 3 months, and return back to Australia, go back to the life I knew and hated. Maybe 6 months. And maybe, maybe I wouldn’t come back. I didn’t know.

So I plugged myself into as much as I possible could; double church service every Sunday for 6 months, prayer meetings 1-2 times a week, bible studies 1-2 weeks, my own bible reading and study every day, worship nights, retreats, EVERYTHING. I asked myself, to TEST myself, how far, how hard, how MUCH can I do to know God? how HARD can I run to follow You? How much can I push myself to grow and develop, to squash all my issues and thoughts that ate away at me?

But God is faithful, and oh man has it been OVERWHELMING. The crazy things I witnessed in others’ lives and in my own, things I would have never thought would be possible to happen to me. Blessings in good things as well as the inadvertent blessings in a lot of crazy stressful things this year too – there have been a lot of ‘firsts’ for me – because its through the hardships, through the trials that we grow…not in the things that come without effort.
And yes I’ve made mistakes. OHH I’ve made many a mistake this year…. =___= But God can use EVERY situation; and His grace and blessings were THAT much apparent in my brainless moments.

So I am thankful to now know that there IS something to live for, that I DO have purpose for this life, for the amazing people of all walks of life that I have met – and that I owe it all to Him for showing me that life can be beautiful, among the mess – and all the things I didn’t ask for (and a lot of the ones that I did! the rest…Lord I’m learning to be patient, hahahaha >___<) to have pretty much fallen in my lap this year. Blessed!!

As I look back now – who I am now is miles from the old me; the old me who didn’t know if she was throwing up empty prayers to the sky; the old me who was jaded by the lukewarm church; the old me who cried out for life with meaning and love and appreciation. So thank you, THANK YOU for showing me that life CAN be so much more, when I thought it to be impossible.

Everything is still a work in progress right now, and things are still very much in the grey zone – but even in limbo i have HOPE for 2014; hope for even BIGGER breakthroughs! in relationship, in business, in personal growth, spiritual growth, in church ministry – I believe we are capable of MORE^__^ there is beauty in the breakdown; joy in seeing something amazing rise from nothing (haha. first and foremost, I saw that change in myself, so its possible).

I also truly believe God is working in the urban community here and around the world – so I am beyond excited to pray and see where that will go! I LOVE HIPHOP~!! as if that wasn’t obvious before…hehehe.

So in 2014, I hope and pray that I will learn to TRUST in Him better. That God shows me how to love others better, more freely, more selflessly. That God will show me how to RECEIVE love better. That God will raise up the urban community for His glory here in Korea and globally, and that we can be true light and salt in the darkness. That we become disciples of Christ, not just ‘Sunday Christians’ wanting to save our own asses and to glorify ourselves.

Promised to myself that I would be as transparent as possible from the beginning to be accountable for myself, and a true testament of God’s grace to others – so as the new year comes around, I hope I can continue to do the same…and break stereotypes. Enough with hypocritical Christians…aint nobody got time for that!

My non-exhaustive ‘resolutions’ list for 2014 would be:

  1. work my butt off design wise and improve for business/church/freelance – but learn when to say ‘NO’
  2. get back to improving my Korean again. And time willing…Chinese =__=
  3. grow in Christ – learn to love/receive love better:)
  4. travel to Taiwan/Thailand/somewhere!!
  5. heal from injuries and somehow get fit again…

So HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all! Hope that 2014 is filled with blessings and wondrous things for everyone:)

Be blessed!

Beckii xo

Personal Musings


Been thinking a lot recently about the rise of urban culture and Jesus culture lately.  Christian hiphop has definitely taken a turn for the better in recent years in America thanks to such people as Lecrae and the 116 crew, Propaganda, MC Jin, Lampmode Records etc….more and more rappers are rising up to speak words of truth and light…

And now to reside currently in Seoul, and to be in contact with influential people within the hiphop circles HERE who are believers, it makes me really think – God is DEFINITELY going to use this for His glory, and we are going to be part of something beautiful and amazing, in due time!

Definitely is going to take some time and a lot of prayer…but I can feel it. So thankful for the genuine hearts around me who want to make a change and reach out:)


Wrote about him time and time again, but Andy Mineo is my all time favourite 116 member and it makes me so inspired to see him spit God-infused rhymes in a non-Christian cypher enviroment – one in a local New York environment doing a dope, chilled out rendition of ‘Cocky’ ; and another in the MTV Rapfix cypher battles seen HERE!

[My favourite verses from that cypher:

“and we got no shame like Ricky Ross with his shirt off” (ROFL)

“and rap has got a manhood problem i swear, they’re just a bunch of grown boys with facial hair”

“blaspheming God with the lungs he gave oxygen, He will not be mocked, don’t you remember Sodom man?” ]


UNASHAMED! and thats wassup. Much respect to have that courage!

Called to be the light of the world; yet we can’t do that if we aren’t present in darkness…




“I’ll introduce you to Supplier, cause He don’t want your deeds boy He wants your desires
It’s hard to spit fire when you hardly get inspired by the genre you’re inside of
Everybody wanna try to be something they not, well guess what do you
I’m still covered in His blood like SuWoo”


FIRE!! …..hahaha alright enjoy.








Another reblog from Unka Glen. Enjoy:)

”  “XXXXX asked: Is it wrong or right to say my feminist mind stops me from dating? Because every time when I do find someone interesting, I doubt myself and I think, “They just want to take advantage of me.” And when I do like someone, the part where I am no longer myself, the part where I care so much for the other person, scares me even if it’s a good relationship. And then I think all men are Mr. Crawford from Mansfield Park, where he “puts kindness in until sex falls out.”

Unka Glen answered: Oh yeah sweetie, as you suspect, every part of that is wrong. So lets start here: everybody wants to have sex. Maybe not right this minute, maybe light some candles first, and put on some soft music, and ya know, make sure you’re married first and everything, but yeah, we all want the same thing.

And of course this is a good thing. Sex between two married people helps to build intimacy, affection, and vulnerability. Christian marriage counselors will make sex frequency one of the first questions they ask couples who are in crisis, as a lack of sex is usually an initial warning sign of an unhealthy marriage.

For this same reason, many churches recently started a challenge to the married people in their congregations to intentionally make love every day for a month. Sex is good, it’s an important part of a solid Christian marriage, and it’s one of the first things I remember to thank the Lord for every day.

So you should really go ahead and find a nice guy, I mean, take your time and everything, but go ahead and find the kind of solid Christian guy who you could spend the rest of your life with, the kind of guy who could be a great dad to your future children… and then get married and go at it like your hair is on fire, and your butt is catching.

Let the people say Amen.

So how did we get lost on all of this? Well, to begin with, desiring sex and wanting to be a caring and responsible Godly husband DO NOT cancel each other out. It’s not an either/or situation. Kindness, love, and respect do not DISPLACE a desire for sex.

If you’re dating a guy who loses a desire to be kind as he increases his sexual desire, then you’re dealing with a profound and rare sexual dysfunction. If you’e dating a guy who just wants to be nice to you, but doesn’t have any physical desires towards you, well, honey, I’ll let you do the math, but that’s not what you’re looking for.

Also, none of this is about feminism. Feminism is about respect and empowerment. Again, if you’re with a guy who loses respect for the women he is attracted to, this is a man with severe dysfunctions. Sure, there are some feminists who do a lot of “I don’t need a man” kind of talk, but again sweetie, that’s a different kind of situation.

Sure, there are plenty of men who REALLY want the sex. But it’s like a man crossing the desert, who finally sees his oasis, and thrills with the possibilities of all that fresh, cool water. You can scold that man and tell him, “all you care about is water!”, and yeah, in that exact moment it may be taking up a large portion of his bandwidth, but it doesn’t mean that this is all he’ll ever be interested in.

What you’re looking for is someone who loves the Lord, loves you like crazy, and is totally attracted to you. All three of those things can, and will, fit together. Sure, the physical stuff needs to be in control for now, and boundaries respected until that glorious day of freedom.

But let’s face it my feminist sista, when that wedding night appears, you’re going to get your own tall, cool glass of water too.”





I won’t really have much time to blog anything proper this month [or even the next…can’t say with the way work is piling up] so as an – encouraging – space filler, I may reblog posts I find interesting from a recent find, Unka Glen🙂

Pastor Glen Fitzjerrell does prison ministry with ex-convicts in Chicago, and I stumbled across his Tumblr a few months ago. Refreshing, and possibly the best spiritual internet find I have had in a LONG time!

I take no credit for this content; all from ‘Unka’ Glen’s tumblr:) linked above!


“I recently heard a sermon where the pastor quoted Ephesians 4:27, “do not give the devil a foothold”, and he said, “I don’t want to give the devil any room in my life!” And it struck me, we really do give the enemy that easy foothold in so many ways. And here are some of the most common:

Fear of the future. The future is a mystery. And if you learn to embrace the mysteries of life, you’ll be a much happier person. We invented the phrase “spoiler alert” for a reason, because we don’t want to know what happens until the time is right. Your future could be anything, that’s what makes it amazing.

Insecurities. There is nothing more toxic than insecurity. It kills everything it touches. Left unchecked it will ruin every relationship a person has. It spawns jealousy, and even worse, it’s contagious. Have you ever been around an insecure person, and they say something like, “Oh I’ve been talking too much about my problems, I’m not important”, and then you think “Do I do that? Do I talk about my problems too much?”

Unrealistic self expectation. With a shocking regularity, we decide to permanently endure something that, realistically, we can only endure for a very short time. All these unacceptable areas we put up with, they’re like ticking time bombs, and when they go off, the enemy will be ready to step in.

Guilt games. Wallowing in guilt is all about creating a pain over your past and calling it holy. However, the Bible says we shouldforget what is behind us, and press on to reach the goal, to win the prize (Philippians 3:13-14). God is instructing you to focus on the positive benefits of moving forward, not the negative consequences of your past.

Fear of failure. Fear is a worry that something bad might happen and take us out. But failure definitely will happen, and it won’t take us out. God is bigger than our failures. Besides, a little failure is good for you. It keeps you humble and teaches you things.”